:/ umm.. this is just venting and i think partly feeling sorry for myself

My dad died in July and its only hit me in the past week. Before this i spent all my time feeling guilty for not feeling worse and only now i see that, that was me being happy. This feeling is like my head exploding, still in one piece, but i can feel the pain. The rest of my body is ripped apart by sadness and tears. All I can think about is the fact that there's no bringing him back. I've been acting really weirdly this week too.. I started researching things like magic, ways of bringing him back, needless to say they didnt work. I would ring his mobile and talk to his voicemail for ages about how much i miss and love him.
I try telling my friends about it but because alot of my friends parents have died recently too, they just think i'm attention seeking because i never talked about it until now. My psychiatrist is on holiday at the minute so i couldn't talk to her even if i wanted to. School isn't helping. They're like 'i know your lifes hard at the minute but if you could just try and complete the homework' which basically means 'i dont give a monkeys, just do your homework so that the school doesnt get a bad rep' blahhh life

No, you're not feeling sorry for yourself at all. You're greiving. Thats all. It sounds simple, but its not. A dad is a horrible person to lose and you're coping with that loss as best you can. The magic and trying to bring him back is perfectly acceptable.... you really really want him back so you will do what you can to get him back. I'd even try voodoo if i was in your situation. Don't worry its okay. It will only take time to get over it. No medicine will help and not amount of words will help. Only time. Peace be with you for this difficult time.

Lakk, I'm very sorry for your loss. Like ziedite says, you are not feeling sorry for yourself, what you are going trough is called grieving. We all react differently, your reaction just came a little later then then the others. I lost my best friend trough ten years to cancer five years ago, and it took me a whole year before the reaction came. Same when I lost my aunt back in -98. Part of the grieving process is wanting him back, and of course that is perfectly understandable. It will take time, but given time, the pain will be less and it will be easier. It is important to hold on to the good memories about him, and if you feel the need, go ahead and call him again on his voicemail, who knows, he might be listening. I hope your psychiatrist comes back from vacation soon, it is good to have someone to talk to in times like this. Best of luck to you, we are all here for you if you need to chat.

:) thanks guys x you've helped a lot x i think i just need some time