:/ umm.. this is just venting and i think partly feeling sorry for myself
My dad died in July and its only hit me in the past week. Before this i spent all my time feeling guilty for not feeling worse and only now i see that, that was me being happy. This feeling is like my head exploding, still in one piece, but i can feel the pain. The rest of my body is ripped apart by sadness and tears. All I can think about is the fact that there's no bringing him back. I've been acting really weirdly this week too.. I started researching things like magic, ways of bringing him back, needless to say they didnt work. I would ring his mobile and talk to his voicemail for ages about how much i miss and love him.
I try telling my friends about it but because alot of my friends parents have died recently too, they just think i'm attention seeking because i never talked about it until now. My psychiatrist is on holiday at the minute so i couldn't talk to her even if i wanted to. School isn't helping. They're like 'i know your lifes hard at the minute but if you could just try and complete the homework' which basically means 'i dont give a monkeys, just do your homework so that the school doesnt get a bad rep' blahhh life