Thanks to both of you that's very sweet.
I managed to speak and say everything I wanted but only because I'm running on auto-pilot and I still feel incredibly numb. Despite that the service was lovely and really personal to her. My gran had a love of horses so a friend brought her pony to the crematorium so I led the pony in front of the hearse going in. It was a nice touch. I have a form of BPD which means usually I feel things over intensely and I fear what kind of mess I'm going to be when things eventually kick in or sink in. I hate feeling nothing I felt and feel like an empty shell through this. But I also don't want to feel things so over intensely that it makes me want to die.
take my advice! i don't use it anyway!
glass half empty? or half full? i say sod the glass, what's left in the bottle?!
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