My friend died

msmush · 03-31-13, 03:32 PM

I say friend, we were once, we grew up together, our parents were and are best friends. We were born 1 year apart. I stopped hanging out with him when i was around 7 (im 31 now).

His parents are my god parents and they have always been in my life. I always heard what he was up to but we just didnt hang out any more.

4yrs ago he got cancer. It was very hard for his family, mini mum as i call her was devested as she would be.

I knew all about his battle, but i didnt go see him as we were no longer in touch. But i supported my god mother, and i still thought about him, worried him and his family. Over the years i heard all about his battle, he was so very brave. It was clear from the beggining it was going to be hard to win the fight but he wanted too.

This last year he was told it was terminal. And it shocked me. Her was some one i knew my age dieing of cancer. And there was nothing any one could do to help him. When i was very young im talking 3 0r 4 i worried aboit death. I dont know why? whay would a child that young have a concept of death? I worried about being alone from my family, that it was so final. And at 31 i think im still scared of it. And selfishly this brought it all a bit too close to home. That nothing is garanteed, your life isnt promised to you.

I was at work when i got the call to say he had passed away. Again it shocked me, i new it was comming but all the same i felt devestated. I didnt even really now him any more, but i cried. I left work and went to church to light a candle. Im not even really religious but it seemed appropriate.

His funeral was beautifull, but ever so sad. It unnerved me knowing he was lying dead in the coffin just a few feet away. This young caring boy who had so many friends and reasons to live. He was gone. Taken too soon. Why?

Again i wasnt even on speaking terms, i hardly new him any more. But its affected me so much. I think about him alot, its only been a week or so. I have his funeral booklet in my room. i look at it every day. Just in passing. I cant seem to put it away it seems wrong to do so. I dont talk about how i feel with any one.

Death is such a synister and frieghtening thing to me. Where is he? is he with god? do i believe in god? im catholic so i know i should, i think i do?

Is he scared? is he alone? or is he just gone? no more. as if he never was?

I hate cancer, i know so many people fighting it now than i ever did. There are no answers to my questions because nobody really knows.

celery · 04-01-13, 03:22 AM

I am sorry about your loss

I am sorry that I do not know what to say to you besides that. I really am sorry. Losing someone is always hard whether they were near or far

Dave86 · 04-01-13, 03:42 AM

Sorry for your loss truly. Lost my best friend but different circumstances but have the questions just like you do. Feel your pain friend and am sorry.

fedup · 04-01-13, 06:06 AM

just sending you a hug, sorry to hear of your friends death. I thinks it's always a shock, even when you are sort of expecting it. It's hard when you can't talk about it to anyone too.