I was only about 2 months pregnant. This post may be a little pathetic to some people but its just how I feel inside.
When I found out, I thought my dreams had finally come true. I didn't have to try anymore, I can finally experience the scans & seeing that little person me and the man I love had made and spent so long making. I can have the bump, feel him/her kicking have family members I'd been dreaming of getting close to love me because I am carrying a gift.
Just experience it all, but most of all give birth and have someone to love for ever and love me back and 100% guaranteed that my baby would always been there no matter what. I guess when I think about it, I'm craving love and a happy family that I never had.
Everyday I'm heartbroken thinking about what things would be like now if my baby was still alive.
I drag myself into baby shops to look at the tiny clothes .. it makes me happy for a second then it reminds me that I don't have a mini me to put into those clothes.
I get so jealous of hearing friends and family getting pregnant, half the time they aren't even wanted.
I don't know how to move on, trying to conceive again is just such a long process I don't think I can take anymore heartbreak.
Everything has gone through my head, was it my fault for smoking before I found out? Is it my body? Aren't me and my fiance compatible? =(