A month and a half and counting...
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Life's Other Challenges > Grieving


A month and a half and counting...

This is a discussion on A month and a half and counting... within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; My father and younger brother were in a severe car accident in June. The driver ran a red light in ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-10-11, 02:14 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 6
My Mood:
Unhappy A month and a half and counting...

My father and younger brother were in a severe car accident in June. The driver ran a red light in a horrible storm. My father was driving and my brother was in the passenger seat. They were bringing dinner home to my mom and other brother. The other driver impaled their small car with his SUV. My father broke every rib (the doctors said too many to count) and punctured his lungs. He has been in the ICU trauma unit since.
My brother however was not so lucky, or maybe he was the lucky one. He died on impact. The death certificate states multiple internal injuries as the cause of death...
The other driver walked away unscathed and gets to go home, drive around, and be with his children and family. He was trying to rush home from work and get drunk. My family has been ripped apart and he gets to live...
My brother was going to be a senior in high school, he had just bought his first truck all by himself, he was looking for a job, he never got a chance to have a girl friend, never got a chance to live...

I feel like this how world is crashing down around me and I just don't want to be here anymore...My fiance and friends just don't understand. They have lost people too but I didn't lose my brother...He was stolen from us... Taken by some selfish man who decided that his alcoholism was worth more than my brothers life.
I feel so insignificant and just want to fade into the background. I can hardly stand to think about future plans when each day passes by like an eternity. I keep thinking to myself that one day I'm just not going to wake up.
Yesterday was my father's birthday...There is nothing to celebrate. Things aren't getting better... It has been 1 1/2 months and counting.
Questioner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-10-11, 07:32 AM   #2
New Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 36
Default

Time is the ultimate remedy my friend. You need to do your best to keep your mind off things. My sister is very very sick she has ovarian cancer, one thing i learned is human beings are the most resilant thing in this universe. This is another chapter, the hurt will never 100% fade but it will turn into a subtle reminiscent sting but i promise you, you will become functional again. When i was in training a friend of mine got a letter stating his brother was shot, not even 3 weeks later he got a letter saying his cousin died. After a few months of being very down he is rounding the point of being 100% again. Just give it time my friend.
Dupidsk8ter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-11, 06:01 PM   #3
Member
 
SomethingInTheWay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 610
Default

Questioner: I am so sorry for your loss. That sounds like a horrible thing to experience. The complete lack of justice just makes it worse I'm sure.

I don't think you will ever get over it and things will never be the same. I think all we can do is learn to adjust to our new lives where we have to deal with the loss.

I lost my best friend a few months ago. It has been hard for me too, although less so than it was the first month or so. I do best when I just accept what happened and try not to think about the "what if's" rather just remember him and live my life in such a way that would make him happy if he could see me. It isn't easy though to do that and I still feel sad and angry and am constantly reminded that he isn't there. I just have more good days than I used to.
SomethingInTheWay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-11, 08:56 PM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 6
My Mood:
Default

Some days it feels like I'm going to be alright, but the others it's just really bad. Everything reminds me of him. From a shooting star, to little blonde haired blue eyed boys who run around the playground.

It doesn't exactly help that every now and then I get the feeling that it isn't just me that thinks GOD took the wrong one of us. My grandparents have said it, along with various other family members... Sometimes it feels like my parents feel the same way. He was after all "the easy one" / "the helpful one".
Questioner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-11, 08:59 PM   #5
New Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 6
My Mood:
Default

But I do thank you both. I am very sorry for your loss SomethingInTheWay, and Dupidsk8ter my friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 12. She had a hysterectomy at 14. It is very hard and she will get through it I'm sure.
Questioner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-11, 06:46 PM   #6
Experienced Member
 
saltyrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: canada
Posts: 2,134
My Mood:
Default

Ohh Questioner .... I am so very sorry for your loss! What a terriblee, terrible time for you and your family and your poor dear father and the death of your brother in such a horrific and senseless way!
I too have lost many close family members in the last few years, my beautiful older sister to breast cancer,my much loved and loving father in law to pneumonia, my kind, gentle brother in law to bowel cancer within 3 months, my wonderful Mom and Dad 40 days apart (both unexpected deaths), one 21 year old niece to an accidental overdose and another truly beautiful and innocent, 20 year old niece to murder by a sadistic couple ..... I can honestly say I understand how everything reminds you of him ...... the same thing happens for me ...... everyday there is a huge pain in my heart .... even years after ..... many days I try to look for the good as I don't want to become bitter ... I try to remember my loved ones in their livinng and laughing moments ..... I believe they remain with us in these memories and I do truly believe they are in a better place .... I highly recommend seeing a clinical psychologist trained in grief and PTSD counselling ... I know this has helped for me ... I also try to live my life to make them proud as I have a feeling they really are watching over us ..... I have had strange moments and "signs" which I am certain are from them to let me know they are okay and are with me every day .... sounds kooky I know but it has happened so many times and in such clear cut ways .....perhaps you could watch for these "signs" from your brother (i.e. maybe the shooting star) and perhaps they could bring some comfort ..... never think God took the wrong one .... you are here for a reason ... do not listen to those realatives who can say such callous and hurtful things!!!! I know most people will tell you time heals all things ..... I do not believe this is true .... my pain is just as real today as on those days when I lost my loved ones, but I have learned not to feel guilty for living (survivor guilt) but to cherish my times I had with them, the laughs and joys we shared and every day I think of them and how lucky i was to have them in my llife ... I try to share my stories with my nieces and nephews to keep them alive in some way and to let them know and remember our "special ones" .... our very own Angels! I don't know if this will help Questioner but please know you are in my heart and prayers during such a tragic, tragic time!! Gentle hugs ........

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Questioner))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))
saltyrose is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:08 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2