This is a discussion on missing my dad within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; almost two months since my dad passed away and every day is hard as the day he passed away. I ...
almost two months since my dad passed away and every day is hard as the day he passed away. I feel alone. My dad and I had been close over the last ten years and did a lot together. I watched his health decline over those ten years. Now I have this loneliness. I think a lot about the day he passed away. I think about what if was more that was able to be done? I made the decision to not have him on a breathing tube again. This decision I didn't want to make. I think about the last words he said to me. When I think about this I cry. I been going to counseling and has been helpful, but I feel sad anyways every day
You spared your dad pain. There’s too much of these strenuous measures that are taken when a person is very ill and near the end — and it is obvious to the doctors and nurses that nothing much would be changed. I can’t help thinking that we have lost the idea that our loved ones should be allowed to go more gently, with less pain and discomfort from machines and tubes and needles and pumps.
A couple of months is nothing after losing a parent, that’s hardly time to catch your breath. Try not to expect yourself to be all right yet. I remember there were certain things I couldn’t take after my mother died — like I couldn’t watch the news, or hear about unhappy things because I was already overloaded with sad.
You sounded close to your father, and that’s a great thing. He taught you what you needed to keep in your heart. That’s a gift that even his loss doesn’t remove from you.
My father in law passed away last year in hospital on a breathing tube. Breathing tube or not, it never makes the end any easier when it has come. I'm sorry for your pain and losses. You can't replace your dad but you can hold on to the memories of how he is wonderful in your life. Try to be kind to yourself as loss takes time. Grieving takes time. Even if you knew he was going to be passing way some time relatively soon, you can't really rush the process of the grief. I am sorry for your loss.
We have to become creative problem solvers, not just tolerant burden barers.