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This is a discussion on Might be offensive within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; U might not want to read this if you're grieving. I think it's offensive. I'm very afraid that someone I ...

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Old 10-24-12, 12:10 AM   #1
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U might not want to read this if you're grieving. I think it's offensive.

I'm very afraid that someone I love will have someone they love die. My biggest fear is that someone I love will feel HURT or SAD. I absolutely can't stand it. It hurts SO bad to see someone you love hurt. I'll do anything to see people happy. When I listen to music about people who have lost loved ones, I cry and I feel hopeless because I don't know how to take their pain away.

The worst part is that if someone close to me died, I wouldn't be sad. I'm very, very scared that someone in my family will die and I won't feel greatly distressed. First of all, I'm very scared people will think I'm a bad person. Second of all, I'm wondering what is wrong with me... I'm afraid of these thoughts ... I'm scaring myself by thinking that I won't be sad. I WANT to be sad. I want to be a good person.

The reason I'm not sad is because the only time I'm sad is when I see people SUFFERING and in PAIN . WHen someone dies, they are no longer in pain so I am not sad. But I want to be sad.

I don't understand why people feel sad when people die. I cannot understand this emotion or where it comes from. THis might be what a psychopath feels... confused and not able to empathize.

The closest thing I have to grief is when my grandmother died when I was in 5th grade. She was crying in the hospital after a stroke and that kind of broke my heart but I tried not to think about it. Then she died, and at first... I think I was shocked, then very relieved she did not have to be in pain. Then I realized she was going to HELL and that made me very, very scared and sad and hurt. Hell is SUFFERING for eternity. I remember getting a stomachache from thinking about this too much. And it was just TOO MUCH. I decided that I couldn't live with the idea that my grandmother was in HELL so i decided god didn't even exist. I decided that nothing happens after people die... You just rot in the ground. All of a sudden, I felt much better and my stomachache went away. So... at this point, my grandmother is dead and I'm not sad at all. That's the scary part though. My grandmother is the ONE adult in my entire life who I felt truly loved me and didn't hurt me emotionally. I was very, very sensitive. She was the only one who was kind, gentle, patient and loving with me. My mom hated her. I don't know why. I was the opposite. I hate my father. When i was 6, I remember thinking, "I wish my dad would die". Then i thought, the only person who I would be sad about dying is my grandmother... Guess what? She died when I was 11 and I wasn't sad. I'm glad I don't believe in God anymore because I don't think I can handle the concept of my grandmother burning in Hell forever. For the longest time, I couldn't really think about her death because i thought the possibility of the existence of Hell was too scary. I don't have that problem anymore. I am strongly atheist. I believe in science. I don't think I could believe in god anymore if I wanted to.


Sorry to everyone who's lost someone they love.
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Old 10-31-12, 05:20 AM   #2
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it makes sense I see where you are coming from. i used to worry about hell too, i used to worry that maybe when we die we're just stuck in this blackness like we're floating in space blind, and that scared me. i don't really have much left to lose, i feel bad for my mom that lost her husband because i know she had such great dreams of living a life with him only to have them crushed away not even a month after they were married. and i think about it alot. and him too because we didn't always see eye to eye but we were cool in the end.
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Old 01-26-13, 12:31 AM   #3
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Everyone grieves in their own unique way. Sadness is not a requirement, nor are tears. Do you grieve their passing away before they die most of the time? How do you feel you grieve? Sometimes there is just a blankness where someone was when they are gone, like a silence. I am glad to hear that you do not feel the overwhelming pain that others often do when you lose someone. I think that is often harder to get through then the lack of hurt you feel. It is okay to grieve, to feel down, to feel nothing, even to celebrate! You have a lot to process both for your loss and your present life. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time.
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Old 03-31-13, 02:56 PM   #4
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You sound very confussed. Why do you belive your grandmother si in hell?

Heaven and hell are a concept born of oppression.

Its like this, life can be crappy for us at the bootom, and those at the top tell us if we behave, except our lot and do as were told we will go to heaven. If we are 'bad' then you go to hell. Once upon a time this was a very controlling concept, because religion was important to people and they belived whole hearedly it was true.

Religion is still important im a catholic. But i realise that heaven isnt exclusive, if you belive in god and read the bibble, we can all repent and we can all enter heaven, no matter how 'bad' we may have been. Beacause god forgives all, if we ask for it.

Things seem to have happened to you when you where young, that have affected you deeply, from what you say. Its so very sad to think you feel you dont have empathy for those who die. I think from what you say, you do have empathy, in fact you care a lot. and in order to protect your self from the fear of what you think happened to your grandmother, that she is in hell(why do you think this? ) that you have created a senario to protect your self, so you dont feel the pain.

You worry a lot about people you care about dieing, this is sad, but also a thoufght process that you can change. You could if you feel you want to seek some kinf of counselling to understand what has happend to you to make you feel this way.
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