Loss of people and time use
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Loss of people and time use

This is a discussion on Loss of people and time use within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Hello I am new to this. I am retired male 68 years old. In AA for 30 years. I have ...

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Old 09-30-12, 09:57 AM   #1
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Default Loss of people and time use

Hello I am new to this. I am retired male 68 years old. In AA for 30 years.

I have had a series of losses the past year . Each one has affected my purposes and use on my time .
Last winter my mother in law with dementia. My wife and I visited her once a week which took a whole day.
Spring My older sister. We were in touch all the time by phone e mail etc. She had cancer for 4 years and finally went . I did not travel out for her funeral as I had travelled to see har a short while back as they thought she was dieing then. I regret not spending the money and time to go to the funeral and I think I have supressed grief .

Spring . Had my knee go due to golf. Had to give up my golf and friends .. one or two days per week

Summer My long time AA sponsor and best friend (like a brotherdied) Had ALS . I visited once per month then once every two weeks as it progressed. He got lucky and died before the worst phase of ALS .

Close friend had daughter killed / drunk. She was a good friend of my 16 year old grand daughter. Just sad

All of a sudden I had what has been diagnosed as depression. Loss of interest in things, loss of weight, fear of ageing I guess and fear of medical proceedures and loss of activity.
So i have been useing cognative thinking and I am on an anti depressant drug. Both have helped and it takes the edge off but the negative thoughts and fears keep comming back . (although not as severe as before.
Would love to hear your thoughts
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Old 09-30-12, 10:12 AM   #2
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Hi, aboutme! My mother had a similar situation with HER sister dying... she felt guilt for not going to see her sooner because by the time she did her sister died pretty fast... tons of us have regrets that we probably won't be able to fix until we die ourselves... you're not alone! :)


Do you have many friends? Maybe you and your friend that lost his daughter can go to therapy together if that's your thing; do either of you go to therapy? Do you talk together a lot about your losses? Just know that you have us here on TTL too. :)
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Old 09-30-12, 10:13 AM   #3
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Hi aboutme. Wow you really have had a lot of recent losses . Glad that you found your way here, and I hope you find some support that helps you .

I'm very sorry about your sister , and your best friend . Your mother in law . It's gotta be overwhelming for your brain to have to try to absorb and process all these losses. It will probably happen over a period of time. Do you think it would help you if you travelled to the cemetary where your sister is now? To help with the grieving, since you say it's supressed? If not now, maybe the time might come when you'll want to do that .
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Old 09-30-12, 10:20 AM   #4
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Oh, I'd like to add that this could be a learning experience... use the resources to see the dying person and tell them all the special stuff that would be said at the funeral while they are still alive! :)
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Old 09-30-12, 05:27 PM   #5
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Default Thank you all

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you who had some great and loving suggestions . I am also glad I found you folks as in AA it is nice to have people who understand .
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Old 09-30-12, 07:04 PM   #6
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hello aboutme, welcome.
Just wanted to send my condolences to you on losing those friends and family, that is a lot of losses in a very short time.
Is there a counsellor you could see that does grief and bereavement counselling? A lot of what you are feeling is very normal when grieving and it might be really helpful to see someone about the grief, that is a different type of counselling to cbt for depression and very helpful.
perhaps start a journal and write about the memories you have.
my mum is dying of alzhiemers, its a horrible disease and the grief feels endless, I have found writing about my feelings and memories is helping and I just started back into to counselling also
AA is a great organisation, I was in al-anon for years and went to aa as well, so much wisdom there!
I hope you feel supported here and all the best
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