loss of my love and best friend
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loss of my love and best friend

This is a discussion on loss of my love and best friend within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; CONTEXT - on the 25th August 2015 my best friend Ally died in a tragic car accident at the age ...

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Old 10-22-15, 05:13 PM   #1
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CONTEXT - on the 25th August 2015 my best friend Ally died in a tragic car accident at the age of 29... I miss her greatly... She was the influence and inspiration to my debut album that comes out soon... shell never get to hear how i felt about her let alone wrote about her...

Im being hit with a recurring dream at the moment and it hurts. I keep seeing Ally. I see her in my dreams at night, and i keep thinking about random moments with her that have happened, but even worse for me is that i keep seeing her with me in plans that were supposed to happen in the future. I thought this whole nightmare was being dealt with step by step. But clearly its not. Im feeling the worst i can possibly be at the moment. I can easily put a front on, but the reality is that i am in pain. With all the deaths that ive had in my life, This by a mile is the hardest ive ever had to deal with.

One dream in particular isnt happening when im asleep, its when im awake and deep in thought. I can see her, on the deck of a boat in some sunny place, with her hair down just looking out to sea. Its a lovely thought right? but knowing that will never happen, even though we planned it, devastated me.

I still feel guilty about not making her birthday this year, and the fact that i said last time i saw her is that i would make it up to her for her 30th is again one of the things that i brings a tear to my eye. I made so many promises to her that I cant keep anymore. Ive tried drowning my sorrows and its not worked, ive tried picking up some sense of reality and its working to a degree. I just dont accept it. I dont know how to.

Im used to not talking to people but at least i know they are still there. They still exist. Ally doesnt and ive got nothing apart from a fucking grave left to remember her by. Memories is one thing but its not enough. I shared everything with that girl. I know how life can just pass us by and this has made realise that it goes by too quickly for some people. The luck of the draw is a load of bullshit though. I get a small amount of good luck then it gets fucked over by bad luck in a royal degree. Life just doesnt seem to be fair most of the time for me, stemming from youth to adulthood.

Sometimes, i just wanna say FUCK YOU life but I cant cause im always hoping my luck will change. Is it too much to ask for
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Old 10-23-15, 09:04 AM   #2
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I'm sorry to hear this. This is very sad news. Please have my sympathies.

I have a lighthearted approach to life and don't take things too seriously, although there are days where I get very upset about certain things, like how other people think (or don't think). I know it's way easier said than done, but maybe every time a negative thought enters, you can train your brain to shift to a positive thought or positive, healthy distraction. Neuroplasticity is great!

You have your whole life ahead of you. If you're making music, you must have a lot of potential. She's in your heart, but time heals all wounds, and there will be others.

Hope that helped.
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Old 10-23-15, 09:55 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by SensualGirl View Post
I'm sorry to hear this. This is very sad news. Please have my sympathies.

I have a lighthearted approach to life and don't take things too seriously, although there are days where I get very upset about certain things, like how other people think (or don't think). I know it's way easier said than done, but maybe every time a negative thought enters, you can train your brain to shift to a positive thought or positive, healthy distraction. Neuroplasticity is great!

You have your whole life ahead of you. If you're making music, you must have a lot of potential. She's in your heart, but time heals all wounds, and there will be others.

Hope that helped.
Thank you sensual... its been a while.... Yeah the album is her and I will always her in my heart because of that. I won't ever forget her. It's just hard x

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Old 10-23-15, 10:37 AM   #4
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Yeah it must be hard. I can't imagine. But I know you're not alone.
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Old 10-24-15, 07:10 PM   #5
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Yeah it must be hard. I can't imagine. But I know you're not alone.
Thank you x

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Old 10-24-15, 08:10 PM   #6
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Hello, southerndj. I am so sorry for the pain you feel over losing your ally. It sounds like she meant the world to you. How devastated you must feel.

It's so hard to try to make sense out of the death of a loved one. The hurt can keep hitting us over and over again.

But our loved ones - I know they would want us to go on as best as we can. Because of the love they had for us.

Please take very good care of yourself for the next while as you grieve. In time, the memories won't hurt as much but will be more a source of contentment and meaning.
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just tryin to keep it real!
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Old 10-24-15, 08:16 PM   #7
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Thank you x

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When your try you best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you cant sleep
Could it be worse?

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And I will try to fix you
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