One new years day I was reading my friends blog. See, the thing is that we used to date, so he's actually my ex. We're still pretty close. Anyways, I was reading his 'decade in review' type of post, explaining what had happened to him in the past 10 years. And what I read had floored me...

Long story short, before I knew him, he was a father.

His special someone had had a miscarriage.... and then committed suicide.

Now, he had stated briefly when we were going through an emotional time when we were still dating that he had had someone very special to him commit suicide. However this just blew my mind all over again. We don't even live in the same state anymore, and yet I still had to stop from sheding a tear.

I can kind of understand why he didn't tell me the full story. It's not something he wants to share, like cutting open a wound and pouring salt over it. However it still pains me to know that he had gone through this. Other than the fact that we have dated, I still care very deeply for him as a friend, he is a very good person, who's worked hard and hasn't been dealt the best hand of cards in his life. I know nothing of the woman, however it still hurts me because he had to deal with this. And the fact that he was going to have a kid with her. Fuck... I haven't said anything to him about this because I'm sure he doesn't want to hear it from me, an outsider, however for someone like me, who's hearing this for the first time. I just can't help but feel so sad/pathetic.

you feel left-out nick? maybe that's exactly the reason why he didn't mentioned it to you...because he doesn't want you to feel sad for him. sometimes we do things for the sake of other people. this does not mean he doesn't want to share it w/ you. maybe he's not ready yet.

Stuff like that... isn't really something people usually tell others- even those they really care about. At least, I remember- someone I knew who committed suicide... And I remember someone else I cared about who died from cancer. I don't talk about either of them much. I'm sorry you feel like an outsider... but stuff related to "death of loved ones" isn't really a topic many wish to talk about, that's probably why he never talked to you about his ex in detail.

I hope you feel better though. Let your friend know you care about him and if there's anything he wants to let out, that as a friend, you are willing to lend an ear? *big hug*