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ill never understand...

This is a discussion on ill never understand... within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I lost my boyfriend in a car accident a year and a half ago, and im still not over it. ...

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Old 09-07-13, 11:25 PM   #1
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I lost my boyfriend in a car accident a year and a half ago, and im still not over it. I break down all the time. it was really bad a few months ago, I was really depressed, I had a ton of suicidal thoughts, I started not caring about school and almost didnt graduate. one of my teachers had me go talk to a counselor and she called my mom and they set me up to see a therapist, I was against it at first, I thought it wasnt gonna change anything. but I started seeing her and I started doing a lot better. the therapy was through the school so once school ended I was back to dealing with it on my own. lately I cant stop thinking of him. I still, after a year and a half, have still not dated anyone new. I dont understand why God would take him. he was one of the sweetest most caring guys ive ever met. I miss him so much and im going back into deep depression. I work with his mom and get to talk to her about it a little. but seeing her all the time hurts me too. I dont understand why I cant move on, its not easy. all I can think about is the last time I saw him in the hospital bed, when I had to say goodbye to him. its so hard for me to accept that hes gone.
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Old 09-08-13, 12:24 PM   #2
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Hi there

I'm really sorry to hear this. It seems that you have yet to recover from the shock of losing him, all of a sudden. I personally do not have such an experience, but friends around me have lost loved ones to car accidents. Some of them pick themselves up very quickly, some take a long time to grief and mourn. Some learn to keep those memories in a special place and move on in life.

If therapy worked for you, would going back to therapy be an option? Or is anyone in your family aware of the grief you are going through, anyone you can talk to at all? I got a feeling you have all these bottled up and maybe you need to drop your strong front and just let it all out to someone.

Would joining a support group be an option too? If you heard other people's stories, and how they recovered, perhaps it could give you some inspiration.

But hey, the most important thing is what you want - you want to get better, live a normal life, find another partner, right? I guess sometimes people don't recover and become comfortable living in despair because they are used to it. I hope this doesn't happen to you. Making clear of what you want will help you get back on your feet faster.

Hope you can get well soon.
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Old 09-08-13, 11:32 PM   #3
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thank you, I do keep things bottled up but I dont feel like I really have anyone to talk to. I cant really afford therapy, It was free when it was through the school. every time ive tried talking to my mom about it she just says everything will be okay. but she doesnt understand how mad it makes me when people tell me that. bc everything isnt gonna be okay to me. thats why I kinda ended up on this website.. for maybe a little support from people who would understand.
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Old 09-09-13, 07:42 AM   #4
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Hello,

Sorry for your loss. I lost my brother earlier this year and I suffered from anxiety and depression anyway, before he was sick. After he died I thought I could cope, but almost went on a downer. However, my Dr referred me for bereavement counselling and this has helped me so much. Are there any free support groups in your area for bereavement counselling, or any such likes?
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Old 09-09-13, 11:21 AM   #5
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First of al I am very sorry for your loss . I know this is hell on earth for you because I am going through it too. My very best friend ended her own life
last October and it has been a day in day out nightmare for me. I understand
all you say about not moving on and questioning God all of it. Things will never
be the same after something like this but it doesn't mean in time you won't be
happy again. Everyone grieves in their own way there is no time table on this.
I often get mad when people tell me it was a long time ago, it's not there is
nothing more devastating in this world than when someone loses their life.
My situation is different but I have found strength in grief support groups.
My only real advice is live for him it's what he would want. As long as you
go on he is not truly gone he will live on inside of you. I wish you the best.
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Old 09-15-13, 02:45 AM   #6
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thank you all, but I dont think we have in free support groups, I live kinda in a small town so there's not much. im sorry for your alls losses too. im trying to get it together, but I work with his mom and some other of his family members so its like I have a reminder of him everywhere I go
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