I still can't accept my loss
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I still can't accept my loss

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Old 10-30-14, 08:07 AM   #1
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Default I still can't accept my loss

My dad died last year. I had a year over to be prepared about this, but when the time came, I wasn't ready for it. The doctor did told us that he wouldn't make it for long, but initially he still seemed so strong. I thought nothing would go wrong, but no, everything just went wrong.

When I first knew about his illness, I was extremely depressed. I had no idea who to talk to and I usually don't want to trouble others with my problems. I had a boyfriend back then, and I would occasionally tell him about my feelings and he would try to console me. But we broke up a month before my dad died. And I had no one to turn to. It was horrible.

I felt like crying all the time. I couldn't believe and accept that my dad's gone forever. I mean, all my life he's been there and he was healthy, fine and good. Everything happened too suddenly. From receiving the news about his illness to his death - all of which I wish was just a long nightmare, but I know, this is not possible.

It's been over a year and till today, I still can't accept the fact that he's gone. I feel so upset whenever I have to attend happy occasions like birthday parties with my relatives because the thought of him not being there just kills. What's worst is marriages. I can't take it. I feel extremely depressed at the thought of how my dad wouldn't be there to walk me down the aisle should I ever get married in the future. It hurts to go back to places where we used to go together and I really wonder how am I going to carry on living without him forever.

I honestly don't know how I can get over this. I am pretty reluctant to seek professional help because I don't feel comfortable talking to someone face-to-face about my issues, and I don't really like to express my feelings to someone foreign. So I thought this would be the best platform, because at least my identity wouldn't be revealed, and I get to somehow express my thoughts....
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Old 10-30-14, 09:29 AM   #2
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Hello there and first of all welcome :)
I am sorry to hear your story, specially because i can relate to your words, i lost my father long time ago so i know the pain you are carrying inside. Losing part of a family is way too difficult whatever people say and in my case it doesn't heal with time well even after 18years i think in every case its always there that pain of loss. We are in same but different situation i lost him when i was a child and you are grown up, but i can tell you some things, accepting that he died it sounds crazy but its not so hard, hardest part of it is knowing that he wont be there anymore for your bdays,special dates and you wont see him ever again thats fuc*ed up and thing we cant deal with so easy.
I still feel the pain of loss even though i didnt have much time with him, but what helped me in a way is, accepting death as a normal thing, in general we are all going to die some sooner some later. Its hard in any case but what you have are memories, remember,appreciate and keep them close all the good things you had and did with him, all the good days and be thankful for it.Cry when you feel like crying dont keep it inside and if you have someone to talk to about do it, talk. I kept everything inside and you know its worst thing you can do, you dont have to show your pain but express it, its better. I know its hard but dont think too much about how he wont be there for your bday or wedding, i hate my bday and dont celebrate it because i dont have him there and i dont even have memories of him on my bday, but you have and keep yourself thinking about previous holidays and all the places you were together and be happy for that.
Stay strong we are here for you. Stay safe
“Holding on for dear life, to the better days I've seen.”
- Poets of the Fall -
Little voices swallowing my soul, soul, soul
- The National -

Last edited by Makica; 10-30-14 at 09:32 AM.
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Old 10-30-14, 01:58 PM   #3
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I am sorry for your loss.

Once i found out my ex girlfriend, who was my best friend died in car accident, i had a really rough time, it was the hardest thing i ever went through. But advice that i got here, from this same site, that helped me feel a bit better, to lessen the pain was, once we dont think about it, once the person that we lost isnt in our thoughts, we feel okay, but when memories start emerging, most of people torture themselves, when they shouldnt. Consider every memory that you get about him, every time you think of him, consider it as his message from the better place he is now. Consider it the sign as that he is still there with you, watching over you, being your guardian angel. And cherish it, he may be gone now, but his soul, his love is still in your heart and everywhere you go. Pain will never vanish, it will just shrink, to almost no pain at all.

I hope you will feel better soon.
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Old 11-05-14, 10:21 PM   #4
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I'm sorry for your loss.

I think I understand how you feel. I lost my mom to cancer just before I turned 30. My dad was already gone, and I had no brothers or sisters. I was lucky to have a couple of friends that were there for me. But I still felt very alone, in that no one else was going through the same grieving process as I was.

I distinctly remember how I felt, then. It was as if someone had whacked me in the head with a baseball bat....from the inside. I was pretty disoriented. I made some mistakes, lost my job. I took that as a sign from the Universe that it was time for a new start, so I moved to another city, got another job.

Wounds heal, with time. That was my experience. And, even while I was dealing with the worst of it, in the early stages, I always tried to live life, as best I could, because my parents would've wanted it that way.

I think it's a good idea to talk to someone, instead of keeping everything bottled up inside. That could help shorten the grieving process. If you don't have a close family member to talk to, a therapist may be helpful.

My thoughts are with you.
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