I miss my parents
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I miss my parents

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Old 10-26-13, 03:40 AM   #1
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Default I miss my parents

My parents have been dead for awhile now. I was caring for them in their old age and I thought that once I fulfilled my responsibilities to them that I could then be free to pursue "my own life.". However, I have discovered that all I really want is for them to come back so I can care for them some more. Reality tells me that is not possible. So how do you go on in life, when the only people who truly loved you and who truly cared about you are dead and gone?
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Old 10-27-13, 02:27 AM   #2
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I wish I knew how to answer this for you blackcat99, other than to say that they aren't necessarily going to be the only people who truly loved and cared about you, there 'can be' others.

I've always thought I dont know how I'd go on if I lost my mother, but now that I'm an adult, I know that I'll have to try... if for nothing else but because I know she'd want me to, and I know she'd hate to think of me being depressed and grieving for her rather than out there and living my life.
Just imagine your parents are probably only wanting the same for you, and wanting the best for you, which is for you to be living and happy and fulfilled life.
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Old 10-28-13, 04:12 AM   #3
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I don't have an exact answer to offer. Try to keep on loving yourself, for them and for you. Self care is a big factor in going on without those who mattered so much. Stay in physical contact with people if you can, as that can help relieve some of the pain of loss and the alone-ness that we feel afterward. If you feel like you shouldn't feel bad, and criticize yourself for your emotions, try to be gentle with yourself while you go through the grieving process. Part of being your own support can be allowing yourself grief and sorrow.

Loss as people age is not well addressed in the USA; I'm not sure if it is elsewhere. This article is educational for the topic. I hope you find some relief soon.

Give Sorrow More Than Words: The Neuroscience of Grief
We have to become creative problem solvers, not just tolerant burden barers.
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Old 11-20-13, 09:35 PM   #4
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I couldn't even think about losing both parents right now, so do feel for you and have a good idea of what you're experiencing.

We all want deceased family and friends to come back. There hasn't been an hour in the day since I lost someone recently, that I wish they were back, and it fucking hurts - I understand completely, but sadly we have to realize there's nothing we can do about things. The waiting of acceptance is the hardest part.

As others have said, they wouldn't have been the only one to look out for you or offer love. You will hopefully have other living relatives you can take comfort in, so why not pay them a visit or spend some time with them ? That's what I plan to do over the difficult end of year period - spend time with others who care. They won't bring back the people i've lost, but we'll support each other and make things better. Say it every time, but I hope things get better in your circumstances.
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