I miss my best friend
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I miss my best friend

This is a discussion on I miss my best friend within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; It is coming up to two years since my best friend past away. His passing away was the hardest thing ...

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Old 06-21-11, 04:16 PM   #1
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Default I miss my best friend

It is coming up to two years since my best friend past away. His passing away was the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with, especially as he was one of the people who helped me out of the worse parts of my childhood.
The first year after he passed was incredible difficult and for many reasons, but i felt i was getting into a better state of mind afterwards.
However, recently everything has started to go wrong and the pain is all coming back, as I don't truly think I’m even close to getting over it and have put of grieving way too long.
I would really appreciate anyone’s input, thanks
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Old 06-21-11, 04:32 PM   #2
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You need to go through the grieving process, it is the same as the death and dying process. I can't remember them all now but they are like denial, anger, crying, bargaining. I will see if I can find some info for you. Let yourself feel what you feel, acceptance is the final stage.

Found it:
  1. Denial -- Coping usually begins with the person thinking "No way, not me."
  2. Anger -- "Not me" will usually give way to "Why me?" as the person begins to accept the reality of the illness and becomes angry.
  3. Bargaining -- As anger subsides, or even in it's midst, the person may begin to bargain for more time.
  4. Depression -- When it becomes obvious that bargaining won't work, depression may set it.
  5. Acceptance -- If the person is able to move through one or more of the previous stages, they may be lucky enough to reach the stage of acceptance before death.
These stages are the same for survivors. Grieving isn't something you can avoid, you have to walk through it eventually.
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I never met you and yet I know you,
at least I know much about you.
I know you need food, shelter
and things to do to keep you sane.
And I know that especially, you need someone . . .

I can't say that I am that someone,
but I am someone . . .
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Old 06-21-11, 04:35 PM   #3
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Check out this website too: 7 STAGES OF GRIEF

Question: Where do you think you are in the process?
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I never met you and yet I know you,
at least I know much about you.
I know you need food, shelter
and things to do to keep you sane.
And I know that especially, you need someone . . .

I can't say that I am that someone,
but I am someone . . .
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Old 06-21-11, 04:42 PM   #4
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Honestly I believed I had reached stage 5 or 6 about six months ago, but im definetly at stage 4 (Depression, Reflection, Loneliness) now.
The loneliness has hit me particularly hard recently.
I have definately seen myself at each of those stages (except 7) but I guess there is no rule saying you have to complete them in order
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Old 06-21-11, 04:53 PM   #5
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Everybody grieves differently. Does it help to look at old pictures and remember good times? If nothing else to force you through the next stage of grief? Sad songs or good memory songs? You have to find a way to reach acceptance, maybe talking here with different people will be the key for you . . .
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I never met you and yet I know you,
at least I know much about you.
I know you need food, shelter
and things to do to keep you sane.
And I know that especially, you need someone . . .

I can't say that I am that someone,
but I am someone . . .
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Old 06-21-11, 04:59 PM   #6
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I think thats my hope really. I have tried music, which was a big part of both of our lives, but it still doesn't seem to do enough.
I have stayed in really good contact with his family as I feel I need to keep that link to him, but I find it difficult to bring up how I'm feeling in conversation with them, so I tend to keep it trivial cause I know they are still struggling too.
I have been the person helping lots of people through it and my advise to them seemed to help, but those same words seem hollow when i tell them to myself, which is why I put it off and ignored my feelings for so long
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Old 06-21-11, 05:32 PM   #7
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I would suggest talking deeper with his family, they may be heading off their feelings for your benefit. Our own advice is usually the hardet to follow . . .
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I never met you and yet I know you,
at least I know much about you.
I know you need food, shelter
and things to do to keep you sane.
And I know that especially, you need someone . . .

I can't say that I am that someone,
but I am someone . . .
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Old 06-21-11, 05:37 PM   #8
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I think I might use the two years milestone as the excuse to bring it up and see how it goes from there .....
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Old 06-21-11, 05:46 PM   #9
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Sounds great, best wishes and let me know how it goes.
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I never met you and yet I know you,
at least I know much about you.
I know you need food, shelter
and things to do to keep you sane.
And I know that especially, you need someone . . .

I can't say that I am that someone,
but I am someone . . .
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Old 06-21-11, 06:18 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZackAnderson View Post
I have been the person helping lots of people through it and my advise to them seemed to help, but those same words seem hollow when i tell them to myself, which is why I put it off and ignored my feelings for so long
I think that is probably your biggest problem. I think a lot of times we try to help other people, and while it's admirable, we often do it so that we don't have to deal with our own pain. It's a easier to take care of others than it is to to take care of ourselves and let ourselves heal. I think that the reason it's hurting you now is because you're finally coming terms with your own pain instead of hiding it by focusing on the pain of others. It's a difficult thing to lose someone, and the truth is that you never really do stop grieving for them; you just learn to live with the pain. But it does get better and easier. You go through the steps of grieving, and eventually you learn to accept your loss, and learn to live your life around it. There will always be a part of you that misses him. But soon you'll learn to cope.
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