I know some of you are grieving loss of your parents or loved ones or friends ...and my grief might not be completely equal or understandable by some people.
I am grieving my cat tonight. Yes, she was just an animal, like there are many other animals out there.
But she was a big, huge part of my family. She was 19.5 years old. I am 30. So majority of my conscious life we spent together. I remember the day when I picked her out of the litter.
I remember how she was sick when she was 9 and the vet said it would be cheaper to put her to sleep. In those times, in the 90s, when we were poor and my mom had to borrow money for food every single month from different people (my wish for new years eve for many years was to stop borrowing money in the upcoming year), it was insane to pay my mom's monthly salary for cat's surgery.
I cried and cried and my mom borrowed more money to pay to the vet to perform the surgery. The vet was operating on my cat for a few hours and she said it was unlikely she would have survived. I remember how we had to change her often and not let her walk after surgery, she would get mad.
Yet, after all the love and care from me, my mom and even both my aunt and my cousin who hated us, she lived another 10 years.
Last night I woke up at 5 am. I couldn't sleep. I had this a few times before due to severe stress or some situation I couldn't let go.
This time I didn't know why I woke up this early after going to bed at around 2 am.
I went through FB and started to read some stuff about cats and their ways to show love and affection. I kept thinking about my cat. I remembered that my mom said how sick the cat was and I was thinking, that I have to make it to get to see her one more time...and I didn't make it.
I was so busy with BS at work, with girls/"friends", that I've wasted too much time in my stupid depression and didn't make it on time home to see my cat alive.
I called my mom tonight, she didn't pick up for a while, then my aunt picked up....she said my mom was out (without her cell phone - that was strange). My aunt's voice was strange and she rushed off the phone. I got worried. Then my mom called back, I immediately knew something was wrong, and she said she had bad news. My cat died after being sick for about a year.
My mom said her back legs became paralyzed and she couldn't even stand. She was crying all night and later she died.
I know these times are inevitable, but I don't think anybody can be completely prepared.
I feel like someone slapped my face and I woke up from all the BS and my face was pushed into stuff that really matters.
What matters is the family, their lives and their health: your parents, spouses, children, animals. All those "people" who are always there to give you their love, support and affection, no matter where you are in life: at your low or at your high.