How do you grieve correctly?
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How do you grieve correctly?

This is a discussion on How do you grieve correctly? within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I know there is no correct way to grieve, but my grandfather died almost 10 years ago, and I still ...

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Old 04-16-12, 04:28 PM   #1
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Default How do you grieve correctly?

I know there is no correct way to grieve, but my grandfather died almost 10 years ago, and I still cry about that regularly.
My friend Al died almost a month ago. I still go back and forth from hysterical sadness, to overwhelming anger that she died at 19, to just flat out being in denial. I don't want to grieve for her like I do my grandfather. I want to accept both of her deaths, but especially hers. His gets easier, kind of, each year.
I'm afraid it'll take me a decade to get overs, too.
I don't....I can't carry this with me till I am 28. Not at this level, not at the level I feel for my grandfather.
How do I fix myself?
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Old 04-16-12, 08:10 PM   #2
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Grieving is different for everyone, but when it hangs on to the point where your life is affected every day, it's time to get help. You might be 'stuck' between the phases of anger. It is SO worth it, before you get any older, to get help from someone who deals with grief and loss. You do NOT have to go through your whole life feeling this was!
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Old 04-18-12, 09:02 PM   #3
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I don''t know how to find help for it. I'm broke right now and any kind of consoling that costs even a cent is so far out of my price range. =/
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Old 04-18-12, 09:12 PM   #4
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I'm so sorry for your losses, Lose. When my mom died, I bought a workbook on grief at the bookstore. They have a large section on grief, and there are some workbooks that you can go through at your own pace. It helped. You could also check what the library has, or just look online for support sites or articles.

I also bought a blank book and wrote my thoughts down about her. Things I wanted to remember about her, just everything I thought, like all of my anger about how it happened, things I wish I could say to her - just whatever I was feeling. Writing everything down helped me, because I think the main thing that made me so upset was fearing that I would forget her. So I wrote down everything I could think of that I didn't want to forget. I felt better that it wasn't up to me to have to remember every little thing, beause the book would hold it for me.

My mom died in a hospice, and they offer free counseling to family for a year. I went, but I hated it. All it did was make me cry hysterically. I could hardly talk to the counsellor. That's just me, though. What worked better for me was writing and working through it myself. It takes some time, though. We all take whatever amount of time we need.

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Old 06-24-14, 11:54 PM   #5
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I wish I knew the answer to this one. My Dad died around my 20th birthday because of a screw up at the hospital. That was more than 25 years ago and whenever I start thinking about how he died, I get very angry still. Thankfully, it`s not on a daily basis.

As for grieving correctly, all I can say is that we`re not machines that face one set of protocols etc. We`re all different.
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