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This is a discussion on How Do You...???? within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; How do you, get truly over the loss of a dear and wonderful pet? I've been suffering for 2 days ...

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Old 09-10-11, 10:16 AM   #1
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How do you, get truly over the loss of a dear and wonderful pet? I've been suffering for 2 days now. I miss seeing my dog Roo(not her real name-just a nick name), and all of her beauty. She was so difficult, naughty, sassy, right up until the end. I had to make a choice, I didn't want to. I still am trying to justify what I did, and can't seem to find any peace inside. I knew she was suffering, to the extent of how much, I don't truly know. I know, phycially, I could see it. I know, she was always a tough little cookie! I keep replaying the day, I made the choice to put her down. I keep going through everything in my mind. I keep replaying, the choice I didn't want to. I keep thinking, there were more options, why didn't I allow her more time, to check into all of them. I just keep going through all of these questions, and it's really breaking me up inside. I keep wondering IF I did it, because her aggression had become worse and no longer wanted to "deal" with her?

I keep wondering IF she would have been by my Lab., they grew up together, that she wouldn't have continued to go after him? I knew she was in an intense amount of pain, but I was given medication to keep her calm, out of some pain, and for the most part suidated. I didn't think it was fair to her, to keep her like that. Now, I'm wondering, IF I should have given it MORE TIME, to say that I at least tried it. I'm so torn apart, about doing this to her, and I have nothing but regret that I'm living with. Besides the crying, losing a dear and wonderful compainion, friend, and emtions I'm going through, I still wonder. I can't bring her back, which is truly killing me on the inside. I have tons of questions that maybe I didn't give enough time for answers for. Now, I just feel, that I put her down, for no truly good reason(s). I'm suffering, daily, when I awake. The first thing I look for, is her. At night, she use to come sleep by me. She would lay down, in front of me, and put her head up, so that I could kiss her and love her, and hold her, before we went to sleep. I miss that! I miss that my Lab's now acting standoffish with me. He wont allow me to cuddle with him, kiss him, or even just try to cuddle. He moves, away from me, and IF I try to go by him and attempt it again, he does the same. I keep trying, but he wont change.

I think, that he knows what I did and the choice I made, he sences it. Now, it just hurts MORE that he's now doing this to me. I've always been close to him and I was close to her. She, however, tended to want to be by my daughter, more than myself. That was until, my daughter got her own puppy, then Roo, started coming by me more often, even pushing my Lab away from me. I loved her and I miss her dearly! My daughter, sure she was trying to help me, took me to see some Rottie mixed with Shepard puppies yesterday. They were both adorable! I wanted to take the one home because she had so many of the same facial features Roo did. Her attitude was even close to Roos. Needless to say, I didn't have enough money to pay for what they were asking for the little girl. They were even nice, said that they'd give me a couple of hours to try to procduce what I needed, since they felt bad for my loss. My daughter, just felt like she HAD to inform them. I didn't want them to know. They had a female rottie on site, the mother, and she was beautiful. She was 3 they told me. I just wanted her and not to deal with a puppy. Of course, I never mentioned that too them. I did jokingly say, I'd take her home with me.

I just miss Roo too much! I want her to be awaiting to greet me, when I awake in the morning. I want her to do her little talking to me, like she did. I want hold her, love her, and do our night routine. I miss this dog, so dang much! I can't find comfort in knowing she's now gone and I can't hold her ever again. I can't get the imagine out of my head at the Vets office. Leaving something I loved, cared for so much, lying on a cold floor, not breathing, and lifeless. I can't stop thinking about the way she acted, before we went into the Vets. office. NONE of it will just stop! It's like a broken record! It's making me so depressed and doubting my true intentions I did for her! I feel so much guilt, remorse, and just not giving the medication time to work to see if it would help her or not! I mean, when does it stop? When will I try to be ok with any/all of this? I feel, like I'm a heartless animal person right now! I didn't want to have her hurt my Lab., but yet, I didn't want to allow her time to keep going and suffering in pain! I just can't find any peace on any level with any/all of this! I wish they had people that could just tell you......You did right by your animal at the end, when you made the choice that you made. Not only the right choice for you, but for her. I keep thinking, I just didn't want to chance her attitude with my other dog, and I was being selfish about him. I didn't want to chance her biting him and then, they both would be going at it, like they did a few months ago, when they needed to be pulled apart. It never ends! The questions, the doubting, the love, the caring, the compassion, the choices, the everything...............
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Old 09-13-11, 07:02 PM   #2
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The thoughts, they keep festering, inside of me. I still can not come to any kind of terms with this whole situtation. I truly loved my Roo, and I feel still feel terrible, it ended this way. This is not the way, I wanted her to go. I wanted her, to pass away peacefully, in her sleep. I didn't want to be forced to make the choice I did, not truly knowing, IF I did all the options for her, that I truly could or should have. It bothers me still, even after a week, almost. I have not gotten use to, her greeting me, talking to me, or the way her and my lab, would cuddle on the couch together. I think, my lab has slowly started to come out of "his depression," but now, he's acting detached from me. He still wont allow me to cuddle with him. He will allow my daughter to though. It makes me feel badly, almost like he knows who's responsible for her no longer being here.

He will eat, drink, and do is normal routine, but he still wont let me just cuddle with him. He just keeps getting up and moving away from me. Yes, I carry alot of guilt with this whole thing. Maybe he senses it? Maybe he senses my guilt and feeling I didn't give it enough time? The list of questions, are extremely long, yet he's "unable" to give me an answer. The tears, haven't fallen, like they did, the first couple of days. I feel sadness, inside, a loss, accompanied by regret, and loneliness. I have her picture, now hanging up, in another picture with Labs in it. I look at it constantly. I'm reminded, how much it truly hurts, at the loss of a wonderful and loving friend; she was much more to me, than a pet.

I can only hope, deep inside my heart, that she's running free and in no pain. Which, honestly, that's all I ever wanted for her. To be able to give her the "release of pain" that she was always, able to find some way, to give to me. She did it so unconditionally, so lovingly, and always, with her kisses. She allowed me to hug and hold her, when I felt low. She was always by my side and always gave me her true and unconditional love. I will miss her dearly! I hope, in my heart, that she honestly knows this........
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Old 09-14-11, 01:08 AM   #3
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It's late and as I watch my other dog, my Lab. sleeping. I wonder, if he "misses" her, as much as I do? I allowed them both, on the couch at night. Since Roo's no longer hear, he hasn't been wanting to go on the couch as much. He use to, when Roo was here, sleep by me. They actually both did. One would always have to sleep by me and the other would have to sleep on the floor or find a couch to lay on. It's hard. I still am grieving her loss and some of my decisions/choices I made, in her final time. I just want to feel, in my heart of hearts, that I DID do right, fair, and most of all, what's right. I would have "made" her stay with me, I know this. I didn't wan to let her go! I love her so much and always will. She just had a light about her. Even, when she bit me, due to my daughter and I messing around, I still foregave her. I never needed to use anything, but my voice, with Roo. It was almost like she completely understood what I was saying, in my tone. My Lab's the same way, but he doesn't like to listen, in his old age. I wonder, does he dream of her? I know it's going way out on a limb, but they do dream. I can't change, what I decided her fate to be, but it still breaks my heart, she's not here. I ran into a older gentleman, he had a Rottie puppy. I asked if I could just say hi to him. He allowed me to for over 20 mins. I told him, I recently lost mine, just last week. He said the kindest thing......"I'm sorry. Truly" A complete stranger, understood that I was still grieving from her. It says volumes to me, about true dog owners. They feel compassion, even if they're not compassionate, about anything in their lives. They live, love, enjoy, treasure, and value the real bond they have, with their pets. I almosted cried, when I saw that little Rottie puppy. His name was Max. He just kissed me, and kept kissing me! I just wanted to take him home with me and cuddle, love, and feel something more, than a loss right now. I just can't foreget, how much Roo, truly, not only brought into my life, my home, but most importantly, the unconditional love I recieved from her, each and every day........
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Old 09-14-11, 03:17 PM   #4
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I just went to get my mail. I got Our Deepest Sympathy card, from my veterinary and his staff, today in the mail. It all has now, just come flooding back to me. I thought I was doing so well, and so strong, but I'm not. Here's what he wrote........" I'm so sorry about your recent loss of Roo. I know how much she ment to you and we all will miss her. I know your decision was difficult, but you have made the right decision. Again, I'm sorry. Anything we can to help, please let us know." Signed by the vet. that put her to sleep. I did notice, none of the staff he has signed it, just him.(?)

The flood gates now opened again! I was thought I was doing, so much better, but this card, today, has now set me back, again. Why can't I just be okay with any of this?
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Old 09-14-11, 03:29 PM   #5
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Unhappy at Rainbow Bridge Poem (Roo)

By the edge of a wood, at the foot of a hill, is a lush, green meadow where time stand still. Where the friends of man and woman do run, when their time on earth is over and done.

For here between this world and the next, is a place where each beloved creature finds rest. On this golden land, they wait and play, till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness, for here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness. Their limbs are restored, their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

They romp through the grass, without even a care, until one day they start, and they sniff at the air. All ears prick foward, eyes dart front and back, then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

For just at that instant, their eyes have met; Together again, both person and pet. So they run to each other, these friends from long past, the time of their parting is over at last.

The sadness they felt while they were apart, has turned into joy once more in each heart. They will embrace with a love that will last forever, and then side-by-side, they cross over....together.

Inspired by Norse legend.
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Old 09-14-11, 05:03 PM   #6
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I'm sorry for your loss.

Your love for Roo is evident through out this whole thread.
I don't think we ever really get over the loss of a close friend, i still grieve for our GS cross which we had to have PTS 4 years ago. The pain does ease in time though, i promise you that.
Sending you lots of
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Old 09-14-11, 05:12 PM   #7
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sunny1985 - Thank you so much. I know it'll get easier, with time. I was truly doing better, till I got that sympathy card, from my vet. I still miss a lot of wonderful and loving things about her. Plus, with the rottie puppy, yesterday, it's been hard. My other dog, still hasn't come over and just layed by me. I have no idea as to why? I can only assume, it's because when Roo was around, he felt the need to "compete" for attention. Now, he doesn't need to and I'm sure he knows it. It's just to get easier. At least, I have this place, to post things and help me, with all the support, to heal.
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Old 09-14-11, 05:42 PM   #8
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Hi, i'm so sorry to read about your loss.
People who have never had a bond with an animal can never realize what you go through when they die.
It might help you, as it has me, more than once, to read Rudyard Kipling's "The Power Of The Dog".
The main thing though is that you'll never forget being a part of an animal's life.
I bonded with a baby elephant once when he was three day's old - he hooked his little trunk around my neck and drew my face to him until it touched his and looked into my eye, and it was almost as if he was reading my soul. Sadly, he died just 14 months later, but i felt so blessed to have known him.
So really we are very lucky to have been part of an animals life, and you will draw comfort from this.
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Old 09-14-11, 07:32 PM   #9
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oldroadog - Thank you, so very much for you kindness. I read your posting. It must have been so awsome, to have an animal, like that, just do that! I try to draw strength, knowing, in my heart, she's not suffering. While it hurts me, she's no longer in any pain and she's at peace. I just wish, I could just find that peace, so I don't have to suffer...
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Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. ~ Bruce Lee

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
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Old 09-15-11, 01:02 AM   #10
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Hi, you're welcome. If you're interested, i think there are 2 more poems that might help you, The Serenity Prayer, (which isn't really a poem), and Margaret Frye's "Do Not Stand By My Grave And Weep". I wish i could take your pain away, but its something we each have to deal with in our own way and hopefully come out the other side sllghtly better for it.
You could also see if you could volunteer to help out at your local animal shelter, it might be good therapy, and you'll be helping out animals who are a lot less fortunate than your own.
One of my worst experiences is holding my old horse, Atlas, while the knackerman shot him - i can still hear the gunshot 30 years later, but i cope by thinking of all the good times we shared together, and the pleasure he gave me, and hopefully all the pleasure i gave him.
I joined Riding for the Disabled for a while after that to be around horses and to help people a lot less fortunate than i.
When i found and joined this website recently it was the intention of finding help from others for my own problems and my own depressive state - well, i haven't posted anything about me yet, but i've been able to hopefully give a couple of other people some comfort in their pain, and that seems to be helping me more than a ton of counselling. Apart from all the other shit that's going on in my life, i've lost my father (which came with issues of childhood abuse and years of not talking), my great nephew, who was murdered 2 years ago, and a dear friend who battled cancer so bravely, but lost. Every day i get up and wonder why the fuck i'm bothering to carry on, but i do. There, i've got a bit of my own story out!!!
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