My name is Daniele.I am 21 years old .I am currently in what I would like to call my first depression. I feel like people have always used the word lightly. I must say its not a light feeling,when its this real. I also think there are all different levels of depression. Anyhow,I recently had someone walk out of my life who was very dear to me,due to my own faults and mistakes. I would like to start by saying after I have lost this person,I came to terms with the fact I have a lying problem,being that lies are basically the big jist of what ruined our relationship. I told him good lies,about myself,then bad lies to cover up him finding out the good ones were not true. They were obsurb lies. Pointless to. A lot of them. Being he would have loved me the same if I did not tell them . I have a very hard time dealing with myself nowadays,having faith in myself,trusting,believing that I deserve much after what I put him and other people through with the lies. Safe to say karma is real,I lost not only him but many many people due to my dishonesty. My life has not been the same since and never will be,whatever happens. I am currently working with a therapist and trying to find where my pain has stemmed from. I believe-a lot of it stemmed from the loss of my mother,which happened when I was 15. I never was able to grieve over it properly,it just passed me by till I met this person which made me feel like the hole I grew was slightly filled then I felt like I lost her all over again when he left.I spend a lot of time having dark thoughts in the back of my head ,but I do have a big urge to fight them. It also does not help that I am a little lost with my life goals and career as well,makes me feel even more worthless.
For anyone who has lost love due to there own faults..to anyone who can't turn back but wants to move forward so bad..relate to me. Enlighten me. Tell me your goal to peace.