Grieving my Mom's gradual health decline
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Grieving my Mom's gradual health decline

This is a discussion on Grieving my Mom's gradual health decline within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Grief can take place before an actual physical death. Today I had tears over my Mom. First, I cried when ...

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Old 06-07-15, 10:43 PM   #1
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Grief can take place before an actual physical death. Today I had tears over my Mom. First, I cried when she wouldn't respond to my touch and voice when I went to her assisted living suite to check on her. Her body was still alive, but her mind ... I don't know if it's the onset of dementia or drug-induced stupor but she wouldn't respond. And when she did, she was confused about the time, when I got there, and would see things I couldn't see (like my Father, who has been gone for 3 years now.)

I called the ambulance, they came and got her, and while waiting in the ER for her to be admitted, I had tears at the indignity of her situation.

Her likely near death does not bother me as much as her suffering through the dying process. Don't get me wrong, I will grieve after she dies ... but I'm already grieving what I've lost. And I grieve for her too. It must be so hard to be betrayed by failing health and mental confusion.

I've lost my cognizant, upbeat, optimistic, loving and nurturing Mom. Now she looks like a twitching, tensing, mumbling, hallucinating elderly woman who is tired and whose body is wearing out.

I am exhausted and tired and sad. If I had a wish, it would be that there was a place where my Mom could spend her final days in a comfortable soft bed, surrounded by trees and flowers and songbirds, her favourite music, and her loved ones, and that someone was there to hold her hand when her moment of departure came. I wished the same for my Dad, but his exit did not appear very dignified or comfortable.
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Old 06-08-15, 06:09 PM   #2
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I have no smart words to offer. Just heart to listen and shoulder to cry on.

Stay strong Raven, we are there for you. Pain you are feeling is huge, i am really sorry about your mom
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Old 06-10-15, 04:13 PM   #3
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Old 06-12-15, 05:27 PM   #4
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Thanks TTL friends. I've been coming here a lot lately. it is so good to have unconditional acknowledgement. wise words not required ... a shoulder an a listening ear is perfectly enough. thank you.
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Old 06-20-15, 10:37 PM   #5
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when my dad was in a coma all I could do was hold his hands and look at them, all the time thinking " these are the hands that taught me how to fish" He wasn't going to get better and I just kept thinking of us fishing till the end. I really miss him. It's four years now and I really miss him. just keep the best memories ;)
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Last edited by tessamess; 06-20-15 at 10:39 PM. Reason: for got someting
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