Grievin' n Heavin' lol
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Grievin' n Heavin' lol

This is a discussion on Grievin' n Heavin' lol within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Well I went to the probate office to see if my Dad made a will but apparently its too soon ...

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Old 06-29-09, 04:51 AM   #1
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Well I went to the probate office to see if my Dad made a will but apparently its too soon after his death for probate to be granted. He might have died intestate (without leaving one) I wanted to check so I could see a lawyer and start the ball rolling about me being his daughter. Every step I took today put a smile on my face and warmed my heart. Fuck it was cold and my feet sure got sore but I felt better for my experience. The first consultation told me I might get nothing but I laughed my pants off and told her that's ok because it isn't about that anyway.

I went to births and deaths and got a copy of his death certificate. My stepmama listed her own daughter as being his child! I'm shocked folks because this is a legal document and I'm pretty sure her grandfather is actually her father (incest story - too long to tell!)

I sought out the registrar and he looked up the stepsisters birth certificate which didn't indicate a father at all so he could not confirm either way whether my Dad was the biological father (he can't take my word for it)

So then I wondered whether he HAD adopted her and we just didn't know because that is the only other way she could be on there legally. Of course all my stepmother had to do was inform the funeral director of the details and sign a statutory declaration that the information was true and correct. she feels very strongly about her daughter's relationship with my Dad!

I looked on the adoption website when I got home to find out whether I could establish whether that had in fact occurred - if it did, fine, as long as every thing on the death certificate is true and correct, I don't mind.

I didn't know that adoptees have TWO birth certificates! The registrar has inadvertently told me that she ISN'T adopted when he looked up her details to establish paternity.

That is what I believe at any rate but I will ring the Child Protection Agency for further assistance and the Funeral Directors are going to contact my Stepmother as I insist on another stat dec which states that he is the legal father by way of adoption or declares an error on the certificate and asks that it be amended.
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Old 06-29-09, 07:50 PM   #2
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((((((((((((((Delta))))))))))))))))


im glad ur getting all ur dad`s affairs in order so u can put this whole chapter behind you..

like u said in a previous post... "blood will always be thicker than water" and its not fair for ur stepmother to try to change the facts... as horrible as incest may be.. is not to try to change the past..it is what is!! (she seems overly concerned and in need of recognition of a father figure for her daughter).

its the right thing is to set the record straight and calrify the whole situation. u are ur father`s voice right now!

(((((((((((((((9hhhuuggggggggssss))))))))))

keeps us posted ;)

wishing u the best!!!

strawberry.
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Old 06-29-09, 11:42 PM   #3
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I know. I'm sorta caught between a rock and a hard place though. When I think about God SB, I know He loves and cherishes them. My heart instantly warms to them both in this respect. It doesn't however extend to changing the facts.

I spoke to Child Protection who were protective of the adoptee's feelings (if such were the case) and she told me it was none of my business and people 'lie' all the time on birth and death certificates. Without saying it, she inferred that I shouldn't be upset. I let myself get a little riled but then I reminded myself, it isn't her or her department that has the power to amend a death certificate if it is not true. I don't think she thought about mine and whether I have the right to contact the registrar and lodge a complaint.

I want to ensure that I really do have an adopted sister. I will embrace the news whole heartedly and readjust my perspective in therapy if that is the truth. I do have to be honest about my humaness!

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Old 06-30-09, 07:33 PM   #4
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mmm... is funny that u mention .. "Child Protection who were protective of the adoptee's feelings (if such were the case) and she told me it was none of my business and people 'lie' all the time on birth and death certificates."

if she knows ppl lies about it all the time, how is not going to be of ur business lol!!! thats such a ridiculous statement!!

facts must be faced like i say.. regardless of what it is.. u deserve to know whats going on.. its ur right! u need to get some closure on this!

((((((love ya hugs back))))))
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Old 07-01-09, 03:01 AM   #5
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I know but I believe mostly the process I'm going through - gathering information and speaking to departments, is the healing process. When the registrar general tells me to piss off and I can't do anything, it will be ok because that is the proper procedure. I don't have to flog a horse over this or get stuck on principals. i just have to know that I'm doing the right thing. does that make sense? I don't have to change stuff for closure - just make sure I checked the boxes!


(oh yes and get therapy for my humaness LMAO)
((((hugs))))
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Old 07-04-09, 01:56 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta40 View Post

(oh yes and get therapy for my humaness LMAO)
((((hugs))))


lmao that`s delta`s classics sarcasms!!! lol that what makes u so great!!!

i wholeheartedly agree with ur decision of "checking the boxes" process. it makes healing in the process!!

so whats happened ?

keep it up girlfriend!!

(((((((((((((((hhuuuuuuggggggggssssss))))))))
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Old 07-04-09, 05:36 PM   #7
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Actually, the registar told me to write a letter, bring in the orginal death cert with identification of who I am and they will amend it! Isn't that great? The guy confirmed twice now without realising it that she has not been adopted by my Dad and in therapy my psych confirmed my theory. Why would he? my father never took ownership or responsibility of anything and adoption is a very lengthy process. It doesn't make sense. An adoption would mean that another certificate would issue and automatically supersede the original of hers but you see when they bring her birth record up, it doesn't! Her original cert is intact!

So I feel good that I am doing this tomorrow when I finish work. I don't like it when people lie to the government you see because I work for them!
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Old 07-10-09, 04:20 AM   #8
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The cheek of Birth Deaths and Marriages! (BDM) They actually sent me a letter after I put my request for an amendment in writing asking me to provide a statutory declaration from my stepmother stating that Jonelle is not the biological child of my father, that she made an error when informing the funeral director and now wishes BDM to make an amendment to the entry! I nearly choked!

I phoned them and they said they don't get involved in family disputes and blah blah blah. They honestly don't know who they're messing with. I have already downloaded their Act which clearly states their power of inquiry and so I read the Act to the snotty bastard and informed him that I can't do anything until they have investigated the matter.

So I have written another letter to BDM advising them that they are required to keep true and accurate records in accordance with their Act and that under that Act, upon application (me) they can collect any information by statutory declaration from an informant (stepmum) and if they don't comply a $1000 penalty can be imposed.

Honestly, they really are trying to sidestep the sticky issue of getting her confirm whether she was telling the truth when she told them my father was her bastards Daddy!

I forwarded a copy to the Attorney General as well and asked for his assistance in getting the department to do their job according to their own Act and to not put the onus of responsibility on me.

I'm rather enjoying taking on bureaucracy....
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Old 07-11-09, 09:20 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta40 View Post

I'm rather enjoying taking on bureaucracy....

well done!!!

thats our Delta!!! lmao!!!
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Old 07-11-09, 11:09 AM   #10
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lol. yes, well I work for them and know how frustrating we can be!
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