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This is a discussion on fml within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; yesterday, i lost my auntie. it was unexpected and i found out she was dying by getting a phonecall on ...

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Old 01-29-11, 06:11 PM   #1
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Unhappy fml

yesterday, i lost my auntie.
it was unexpected and i found out she was dying by getting a phonecall on my way home. i got to hospital and found out she was brain dead, yet her heart was still beating. i stayed with her until her heart stopped.
this has had a massive effect on me.
all around the house there are photos of her and things that remind me of her. i cry all day and hardly eat anymore. im dreading the funeral.
all night i have been thinking of suicide. ive had many suicidal thoughts. maybe it would be better if i go too :/ but id hate to leave my family, but i dont ever see myself getting over this.
please help me get my life back on track :/
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Old 01-30-11, 02:29 AM   #2
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It's early, you're probably in a state of shock. Keep your good memories of her.
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Old 01-30-11, 10:32 PM   #3
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Having been on both sides of the spectrum - losing someone suddenly and watching them slowly fade - I've never been sure which is worse. I'm so sorry for your loss. This is something that is very hard to deal with, I know. You did a wonderful, brave and strong thing by staying by your auntie while she was leaving this world and I'm sure she appreciated having someone who loved her as much as you did by her side in those final moments.

Maybe for the next while, however long you feel you want/need to, get something of hers and carry it with you - be it a watch, ring, necklace, scarf, a photograph, anything - just to hold onto that connection, to, in a way, have her with you while you grieve. I found that helped. It kind of keeps her close even though she's far away. And in time, it will ease some. It will.

You have a good heart and you're strong, just try to find something to hold onto for the first while and come and talk with us here. It's why we're all here.

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