Family Destroyed
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Family Destroyed

This is a discussion on Family Destroyed within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; My brother passed away nearly two years ago. He was 19 years of age and had learning disabilities, although he ...

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Old 04-27-12, 03:55 PM   #1
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Default Family Destroyed

My brother passed away nearly two years ago.

He was 19 years of age and had learning disabilities, although he was very capable and independent young man. His death was a sudden, unexpected and a lot of fuck ups happened with the hospital and doctors.

I won't go into detail on that but i've got to admit since he died life has been nothing short of crap.

The family life we all shared has more or less been destroyed and i have to watch my mother waste away day after day.

I went off the rails myself for a bit by using alcohol and gambling as a way of escaping. I ended up in trouble with the law, lost friends and now have huge gambling debts.

Now i'm coping better but sometimes i just go back into that shitty mood and feel like giving up on everything.

I really would like to know if there's anyone else here who has been through the same, or at least someone to give me a little advice to cope?

This is hard for me to do, i'm not to talk about it when sober, but am sick of keep everything bottled up.
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Old 04-27-12, 04:30 PM   #2
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I am so so sorry about your brother passing on. It is not an easy experience at all. First the shock and disbelief,then anger and then the guilt-it can be such a roller coaster of emotions
I don't know how your family has tried to deal with it so you can draw strength from one another and it doesn't destroy the unit... Did you guys try any family therapy? I know that expressing it is healthy and could help you all heal faster. Trying to ignore it or pretending to be strong prolongs the pain.
How are you feeling? And your poor mum too? Do you have friends or family help at all,even if just to listen?
I lost my elder brother when I was much younger and we were never allowed to talk about it, because my parents probably thought that was the best way for us to deal with it... It didn't help,made it more difficult in my opinion.
Don't let anyone tell you to 'man up' and move on-allow yourself to go through and express your feelings. If you are sad, don't feel weak and if you feel happy about something,don't allow guilt.
You could try writing down how you feel?
I think that the guilt is the biggest thing for your mum. I hope that you all can find strength to deal with this and grow close again as a family.
I don't know if making a scrapbook together as a family could help break some of the ice?
Keep talking here please... It will get easier. You are not alone...
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Last edited by celery; 04-27-12 at 04:33 PM.
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Old 09-30-12, 10:32 AM   #3
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Poguesy, how did you lose your friends? If they didn't try to understand your situation they aren't completely real friends. (But they're salvageable. I thought it was hopeless between my bf and me after I did some extreme things, but I think we've salvaged it... an I've seen relationships where one partner tried to stab the other with a knife but now they have a really really good life.)


As Celery said, break the ice with a scrapbook. Would your brother have wanted your family to be destroyed because everyone is so depressed? Would he want you to be depressed? :)

Oh, and what the hell happened at the hospital???
But every lesson's a blessin, no stressin... ~Cherine Anderson

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. ~Ronald Reagan
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