an Exercise: What does your Grief look like?
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an Exercise: What does your Grief look like?

This is a discussion on an Exercise: What does your Grief look like? within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I have been attending a number of support groups to deal with the feelings of grief I have about my ...

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Old 09-22-09, 09:38 AM   #1
 
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Question an Exercise: What does your Grief look like?

I have been attending a number of support groups to deal with the feelings of grief I have about my former relationship. While the person I'm grieving is still alive, I'm very much aware that the feelings I've had is from the process of grieving.

Last night I attended a Grief Support Group and will be attending another tonight *I HIGHLY recommend others doing this*.

One of the concepts I heard was that, like an object, grief takes up a certain amount of space in our lives. We must give grief the room to occupy us in the way it will. Wow.
This was a very intriguing concept to me. It gave me an even more intriguing idea:
If my Grief were an object or a being separate from myself, what would it look like?

Well for me it changes, somedays it is small but menacing. It's like a pet that keeps close to me. It bites me and climbs on me. I must take care of it. On the days it is small it is black, furry... somewhat like a creature from the movie "Critters" only it's smaller and is only mouth, eyes, and teeth.

Then that creature changes somedays. Other times it has full facial expression, it mimics my sorrow, it mocks my pain. It makes me turn on myself.
Somedays its face looks like the painting "The Scream".

It grows when left unattended. It becomes bigger and scaly. It's demonic, armored and impenetrable. It lays in bed with me, most times on top of me. It crushes me.
All versions of these grief monsters wake me from my sleep. But when the big one wakes me, it completely incapacitates me.

It has been helpful for me to visualize my grief and the many forms it comes in. Perhaps this could be helpful to some of you.

What does your grief look like? What form does it take?
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Old 09-22-09, 10:13 AM   #2
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HI A little dark one - I AM DEALING WITH GRIEF TOO - THANK YOU FOR POSTING - i agree with you about the GRIEF monster

MY GRIEF I CANNOT VISUALISE IT - IT IS MOSTLY ALL OF ME - WHICH IS WHY I GET FRIGHTENED- FOR THE FUTURE -

how does it help to visualise the grief and many forms it comes in -mine is overwelming and realising it comes in many forms doesnt help - IT HITS ME IN THE HEART AND PARALYZES ME NEARLY EVERY DAY IF I DWELL ON IT.

im sorry about the negative post but its made me feel even more abnormal.

brandysnap xxxxx
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Old 09-22-09, 10:53 AM   #3
 
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Originally Posted by brandysnap View Post
HI A little dark one - I AM DEALING WITH GRIEF TOO - THANK YOU FOR POSTING - i agree with you about the GRIEF monster

MY GRIEF I CANNOT VISUALISE IT - IT IS MOSTLY ALL OF ME - WHICH IS WHY I GET FRIGHTENED- FOR THE FUTURE -

how does it help to visualise the grief and many forms it comes in -mine is overwelming and realising it comes in many forms doesnt help - IT HITS ME IN THE HEART AND PARALYZES ME NEARLY EVERY DAY IF I DWELL ON IT.

im sorry about the negative post but its made me feel even more abnormal.

brandysnap xxxxx
Thanks for your response Brandysnap

You needn't apologize for your feelings. Grief is completely individual and unique. By no means would I think what works for me would work for you.

Visualization is a technique that I use in many scenarios. For me, if I can imagine it as something separate from me, it helps me to imagine it leaving. This may work in an opposite manner for some. And that would be a frightening situation.
I am my own worst enemy, I beat myself up all of the time. For me, to separate myself from the grief, I feel like it no longer has a permanent residence inside me. Because it is not me, it is a series of feelings and it is a process of my mind. But grief often begins to reform my identity. So I benefit from separating myself from it in some way.
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Old 09-22-09, 11:02 AM   #4
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thankyou for the clarification a little dark one

YES i have been told before to try and visualise the separation of it - its quite right - if i could try to do that more i would probably be better off -

I have been to a few therapies before since the "event" although they help at the time its hard to work it every day.

YOUR 3RD PARAGRAPH ABOUT VISUALISING IS VERY WISE -- ill try to do that more - thank you for responding .

BRANDYXXXXX
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Old 09-22-09, 11:08 AM   #5
 
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My greif is like a houseplant, a lovely flower that used to be beautiful. something I never took for granted, but admired and took joy in every day. I watered it, I cared for it. I was careful with it. but despite my best efforts, it did not survive.

if you've ever kept houseplants, you know what it feels like to not want to give up on them, even when you know they are dying. you just have to watch as one withers away, and there is nothing you can do. and it feels so heartless to just thorw it away, after you took so much pleasure in it, as one of God's creations, and now it's gone forever....

Last edited by Secret Keeper; 09-22-09 at 11:10 AM.
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Old 09-22-09, 02:15 PM   #6
 
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My greif is like a houseplant, a lovely flower that used to be beautiful. something I never took for granted, but admired and took joy in every day. I watered it, I cared for it. I was careful with it. but despite my best efforts, it did not survive.

if you've ever kept houseplants, you know what it feels like to not want to give up on them, even when you know they are dying. you just have to watch as one withers away, and there is nothing you can do. and it feels so heartless to just thorw it away, after you took so much pleasure in it, as one of God's creations, and now it's gone forever....
Wow. What a beautiful and powerful image. Thank you so much for sharing that.
I am sorry for your loss, I can feel the immense love you have for them.
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Old 09-22-09, 03:23 PM   #7
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WOW Secret Keeper, what a way to describe it. I thought about my attempts to keep indoor plants and that is the image i got an you can relate it to grief.
However for me it is nothing i can actually see but i feel so much. I feel like im being stabbed repeatedly and at the same time my stomach is tied in knots and the only way i feel any relief is when i lay in a fetal position and try to think positive thoughts.
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Old 09-22-09, 04:00 PM   #8
 
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Whenever i try to visualise grief it just seems like a blank piece of paper - a pure white unlined piece of paper, sometimes its huge, sometimes only little. I guess a blank piece of paper is still a visualisation of some sort, i just can't seem to picture my grief in any other way.
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Old 09-23-09, 12:09 AM   #9
 
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WOW Secret Keeper, what a way to describe it. I thought about my attempts to keep indoor plants and that is the image i got an you can relate it to grief.
However for me it is nothing i can actually see but i feel so much. I feel like im being stabbed repeatedly and at the same time my stomach is tied in knots and the only way i feel any relief is when i lay in a fetal position and try to think positive thoughts.
I think that being able to even describe the feeling of grief is a way of visualizing it. Grief isn't confined to only one of our senses. I think it applies to all: Touch, Taste, Smell, Sight, Sound. The sensations are pretty consuming. It's a full body, mind, and spiritually experienced phenomenon.
That's how I've experienced it anyway.

Edit: and the stabbing pains are really one of the worst things... that right next to the obsessive thoughts.

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Originally Posted by bluebird View Post
Whenever i try to visualise grief it just seems like a blank piece of paper - a pure white unlined piece of paper, sometimes its huge, sometimes only little. I guess a blank piece of paper is still a visualisation of some sort, i just can't seem to picture my grief in any other way.
Sometimes I feel like the empty expanse of grief will swallow me whole. That's what I felt when reading your post. How big it can seem, like I'm drifting into nothing.
Other times I feel like I'm living in a vacuum. My life just doesn't seem big enough and I'm entombed in my reality.

Last edited by alittledarkone; 09-23-09 at 12:12 AM.
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Old 09-23-09, 11:40 AM   #10
 
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Today my grief looks like a giant baby in my arms. It's too heavy for me to carry but I can't let go of it. I wanted that baby so bad. I got my period today. Each time I get my period I grieve a little extra. They're both gone, he's gone and the dream of our family is gone.

I feel like I have a bag of cement mixed in with my insides. They feel stiff and uncomfortable. They feel frozen and barren.
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