I have had people die in my life....as we all have. Like grandparents , but i guess youre mentally prepared for that.
But about 3 months ago my older bother was murdered...and nothing seems to be the same,. I loved books and now its hard for me to read, i can barely play guitar anymore one of my favorite things.And Night time....fuck......i dread night. its like every night a storm comes over my mind. i guess during the day my woring out, work, sun, whatever distracts me then come night when im home its like some brutal assault on my mind. Lately all i could do was drink to make me not think of it....

i did have a girl i liked a lot who helped to distract me but she decided she didnt want a bf so , i rarely see her anymore...

but does it ever get better???
my Big bro was my role model, and he wasnt taken naturally. but so violently.will i ever not have a bad day cause of it???I guess not, guess i dont really need any replys more just talking out loud......since i dont talk to mnay abou it.

its like a storm, some days the sun shines through more then others, but the clouds are always there waiting to cover your mind

I am so sorry for your loss. I have only lost loved ones to cancer. I can't imagine what your going through. Do you have happy memories of him? Maybe if you focus on that you can someday learn to handle your thoughts better, but I don't think you will ever truly forget or get over it. Just make better memories. I am so sorry I could not help you more.