That's by Robert Frost, isn't it?

Yes it is. I thought the theme of paths taken in our lives is appropriate. The Road not taken is the road my Father didn't take initially but in end at his death chose to - the one far less travelled by - the one with his own flesh and blood. I was moved by this because of a quote outside of his hospital room
Don't follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail
It got me thinking about the paths we go down in life and I found this poem.

Well the gloves came off with the water relationships lastnight. I had rung my stepmother to tell her that I would like to read a eulogy for my father at the funeral on Wednesday but she was very evasive and so I told her to ring me about it when she was ready. I knew she didn't want anything to do with me. Her daughter Jonelle phoned lastnight and used the excuse that there wasn't any room or time and I said its ok that the reason I asked was because I wanted to represent my father on behalf of his family. She was quite hostile then and asked me what I meant so I replied 'his daughter, two sons and his grandchildren, but its ok Jonelle, it isn't important.' So then she got upset and asked who was I to just waltz into her father's life at the end when he couldn't speak for himself? She told me I had no idea just how much pain this was causing her mother and her. I told her I didn't want conflict and I again assured it was ok. She implied that they didn't want any of us there at the funeral and I understood that to mean his blood relatives. I confirmed the funeral service details and she cried and said 'It will be excruciating.' I replied 'Yes Jonelle I imagine it will be for you. I will see you there at 10.30. Goodbye.'

I don't understand why she would use her love for my father to try and block out other people's love. How territorial. I suppose she can't accept that other people beside her and her mother loved my father just as much as her. I don't know why she thinks by letting those people into his life, she thinks it will push her out. I don't pretend to know anything about her relationship with my Dad, nor would I dream of measuring the depth of her love. It isn't my place. I wonder why she thinks it is hers to be some sort of an evaluator on other people's. It was extremely hurtful especially given that she has never been a factor in my love for my father which has stood the test of time through the ages. Part of me felt angry but I also am compassionate. Again, I needed to remind myself that I don't need the insight or mercy of Jonelle Ford to carry me through my experience or grief. It is only sad that she is definitely her mother's daughter. Needy, grabbing and territorial in matters of love. Neither of them are willing to open their arms and invite people who loved my father in to the circle - so that they can honour his memory freely and unconditionally and express their grief. They simply lack that capacity and I wept hard that even in death I may have to fight to love him freely. Then I remembered the gift he bestowed upon me at his bedside and I laughed and hugged myself. Poor Jonelle. Poor Val. Blessed me and I will be compassionate to all even if they can't be to me.

Sometimes, people say things they don't mean when they're grieving the loss of a loved one. It's a time of alot of emotions, some are really negative. Things of trying to be helpful can be taken as insults. That's what I think happened with Jonelle. I know you really want to say goodbye to your dad and I think Jonelle knows as well. But somehow, she saw your attempt of saying goodbye as intrusion into her grief.

I've said things I really wish I can take back now. An example was with my brother. After my grandma died, my brother (then 9 years old) suggested that I go to his favorite aunt and make her my new favorite relative. Now, I know my brother was trying to be thoughtful and helpful, but at the time, I thought he was being really insensitive. I snapped at him and didn't talk to him for the rest of the day.

I'm glad that you're being very compassionate to them. I think you understand what she's feeling. I'm sorry if this sounds really insensitive.

lol thanks BT. I wish it was like that but its about territorial love vs unconditional love. They really are the only ones allowed to love him and he was only allowed to love them (in their view and my Father was a weak man unfortunately) Never mind. He isn't here now is he and that is why they are in pain. Territorial love will do that to you.

In the blood relative camp there is heaps of minor conflicts arising. My sister in law is flying in and my brother just went to stay at a luxury apartment which a friend of his kindlys said he could stay at for the week with his family. The plan was after the funeral service that the family would have a bbq at a lake my father used to like to take us as children prior to the breakup with my mum. problem is rain is forecast for the day so plan B was to come back to my house which is nearby as my goodfriend had offered to make salads while we were at the service. If its raining, she will do sandwiches and such. However, now he is in this luxury apartment my brother thinks that everyone should go there and my friend is welcome too of course to make the goodies! arrrgh! she is not a maid and offered because she loves me and another thing has anxiety and wouldn't dream of going to a strange place. so they want to be wonderful host/hostess while they holiday in Perth and not accept the humble hospitality of Delta and Co. It doesn't matter. My family never looked after me when I needed support and I figure if it rains me and my girls will go home after the service and eat what my beautiful friend prepared and have some other friends over and laugh and even cry over my Dad. Everyone else can sit in a fancy apartment. I don't mind.

Well my dear I know this is not a surprize...the ugliness..I'm just very sorry that it has to happen!! I don't know why ppl can't just be grateful and happy that your father has a family that loved him also...One would think that they would welcome it!!...As for your brother ...will you be going there...What a bigshot!..Luxery apt! I'd be apt to tell him that he can have some luxery food catered in!! Sorry..just my sarcastic nature kicking in!!
I think what you have offered is lovely and very meaningful! Going to a lake and celebrating his life while on this earth,well..I can't think of a better way as one goes back to nature after leaving the earth!!
I'm sure being with your friend and your girls will be of more comfort then anything your brother can come up with!
This too shall pass my friend..Take Care..I will thinking of you all <3

((((((((((((Delta and Family and loving friend)))))))))))

Thinking of you. I hope you'll find peace on Wednesday. *hugs*

Its the night before the funeral and I have completely gone to pieces! I can't explain it but there has been so many conflicts - least of which my estranged brother Graham rang today and had the audacity to discuss his relationship with me and other family (nobody talks to him) he wants to be involved but he needs me to acknowledge certain things and I also have to change so we can move forward in the relationship. Well, this has never happened but its like my body had a seizure and I lost it and I could hardly talk as I tried to tell him that my whole life and experience with him was one of terror at being told on why I was wrong and how I needed to change and what I needed to do and what my problem was and there was never anything wrong with him and before I knew it, I was screaming hysterically down the phone about him and his truths - constantly telling people his 'truths' what other people needed to do to change in life and then I screamed how he wrote that letter to our father telling him how to change and that our father had walked out of his life - but by then the phone was dead.......I'm exhausted emotionally. There is still more to tell. Its just as intense. I can only assume God is looking after me so I'll be as calm as anything for my father's funeral.

Please burn a candle for me on Wednesday 20/05/09 at 10.30am Australia time.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))))

I just attended the funeral of my father Brian Reginald Ward. It was a parody really. The poor celebrant knew nothing of his three children and gave a history of my father's life with his second wife and her illegitimate daughter Jonelle. It certainly is history. There is no doubt about that. It is sad that he was represented in such a small way. No mention was made of anything else but this leaf of his life really although I was moved by the poem his brothers in England emailed - but then I would be - they are of my blood and I have history with them prior to coming to Australia.

I did well to trust in God. He kept me safe and calm throughout the entire parody. My daughters and nieces linked hands and we walked behind the limousine as it made its way to the chapel. We stood united, we beautiful legacies of my father as the door of the limousine opened and water gushed out. It didn't wash us away as our eyes met and with our hands linked we walked forward into the chapel and sat at the front and smiled and comforted one another - shining. Our family took up three rows. She and her mother and her little ones crammed on to their pew and wailed continuously throughout as we represented our father in all his glory right before their eyes. They didn't block us out at all.

We were all invited to approach the coffin and I promised my father outloud that now that he had imbued his spirit into his daughter and son, I vowed to treasure it and bestow it upon my children and they would pass it theirs.

In the condolence room it was lovely as people I never knew approached and remarked about the lack of mention of Brian's biological children. The almost apologised for it. It just goes to show how territorial love like Val and Jonelle's will only show them in a negative light, not us. All we had to do was attend and shine for our Father. Even her family made the comment!

Afterward my family all gathered at this lake we used to go to with our mother and father for bbq's. My mother came and some friends of the kids. It was lovely. we sang Amazing Grace as well as other songs and at the lake we read Robert Frost's poem and each of the grandchildren tossed a rose into the laske and the adult's threw in a lily.

I'm better now. It will be ok. God really did stand by me on this day.