disenfranchised grief/ambiguous loss
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disenfranchised grief/ambiguous loss

This is a discussion on disenfranchised grief/ambiguous loss within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; why oh why doesnt the NHS have treatment for this condition? I have lived in this nightmare for 17years now ...

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Old 11-07-12, 05:54 AM   #1
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why oh why doesnt the NHS have treatment for this condition?
I have lived in this nightmare for 17years now and all ive received is,
counselling (ruminating to a nodding dog)
drugs (what i like to call 'shut me up' pills)
therapies (anger management, tapping exersizes)

My children were abducted by my bullying mother who made them hate me, they think i never cared but i always did and always hoped they would see sense but they never did.
Ive lost my children, my friends and all of my family.

Each and every day i wish i was not alive as i cant see any pleasure in anything anymore. You can keep the blue skies,flowers, blah blah blah,

why cant the nhs refer me for appropriate treatment? because it is and always has been ABOUT MONEY.
I know about the purchaser provider system which is our national health service, i know the cheapest treatment is the treatment of choice,

but how inhumane it is to let another human being suffer for many years
when the solution was right in front of them.
I wish i was a dog, at least i could be put down.
I hate this life, this world, this planet.

Im now going through a complaints procedure and my doctor has now suggested that 'if i genuinely want to get better' i should go and see him.
I would like to punch him on the nose for his narrowmindedness, does he think i enjoy living in this nightmare???
The only treatment he will give has already been mentioned, why does he try to con me into thinking he can help yet again? He must think im a fool.

There is a clinic in london which deals with my problems, and they are taking nhs referrals but thats just a fantasy cos it all comes down to money again. The only light i have at the end of this tunnel are the numbers ive put on my calendar. These are calculations of my life expectancy, so i can see an end to my pain will come eventually, hurry up, only 225 more months.
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Old 11-09-12, 04:38 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry about all this :( we're all here for you though. Talk to us all you want. We hope with all our hearts things get better for you.
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Old 11-09-12, 05:17 AM   #3
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Hi Alice, i cant see anything getting better. I live in a tip, i sleep on the sofa in my clothes, i dont wash unless i stink, cant be bothered to eat.
A typical day is spent trying to hold myself together, trying not to just go berserk, or ill only end up in a nut house. I sit on the sofa, i lay on the sofa, and this goes on for approx 20hours a day.
I dont want to die in a mental home but i fear thats where ill end up.
In the early days, the solution was simple. Family therapy they call it, but i wasnt privy to that help, my medical notes from the outset depict me as a bad mother eg one gp states that one of my daughters was self harming!
This gp had never met my daughter, never seen her medical records, never seen any report of any kind. Just one of many lies that have been in my notes for over 10years. Little wonder that every gp since has treated me like i deserved what i got and 'whats the fuss about, get over it' 'youre using this as an excuse not to go out to work'
I hate gps who listen but dont hear. Unfortunately i havent met one yet who does actually hear what im saying.
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Old 11-09-12, 08:44 AM   #4
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I was a single parent, very very happy mother. My children were exceptionally kind and sharing, not like the other children in the family.
My mother fell in love with them and wanted them. She spoiled them and ignored the rest of her grandchildren which made my siblings angry.
I suggested she spend more time with the other children and she poo poohed the idea.
I went to college to try and get the qualifications for university so i could be a podiatrist to give my children a better life and future.
Unfortunately im not that academic and failed the first year.
The second year my mother suggested that she could look after my children cos it would 'help with my studies' plus shed just retired and was bored and lonely. She said they could come home at weekends and holidays.
this was not the case and my god dont i wish i had hindsight.
She spent that year alienating me from my children, always arranging days out and trips at the weekends and school holidays.
In the summer my children were supposed to stay 6weeks, they stayed just a couple of days as she had booked them into a summer camp.
I failed again at college and applied for a different course which was more manageable.
As i felt i was losing my children i demanded they be returned for the last year of my college studies. Under duress my mother finally handed them back to me. They had changed into spoilt brats and nothing i could do would be enough.
I passed the college course and went on to university which unfortunately was over 130 miles away. I had no idea that my mother had promised my children various benefits (one was a lie), if they moved back with her.

I was desperately poor so naturally the children preferred sweets/toys etc instead of the love of their mother. I know she is very manipulative and cant speak well of anyone. She is a sadistic narcissist. She took them for two weeks holiday and phoned me that night to say they were going to live with her. I could hear them in the background saying they would run away if i made them come home. They were only 10 and 11 so for the sake of their safety and because i was frightened of my bullying mother, i put up with their decision.
In the early days i tried to visit but as it was so far away, this was very difficult, especially with the requirement of 96per cent attendance at university. When i did visit, it was only to watch her play happy families with my children who treated me like i was a distant relative. No kisses no cuddles.
I couldnt bear it and returned to complete my studies in the hope that my children would come to their senses, but my mother had well groomed them and i didnt realise that at the time. She also groomed the rest of my family so now they all dont want to know.
I have lots more details and explanations but it would take a such a long long time to tell you.
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