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difficult families...

This is a discussion on difficult families... within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; im trying to figure out whether my feelings are justified, would appreciate any thoughts! im a bit overwhelmed as my ...

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Old 02-13-10, 08:20 AM   #1
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
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im trying to figure out whether my feelings are justified, would appreciate any thoughts!

im a bit overwhelmed as my father passed away about 2 and a half months ago, and as well as grieving for him im having to be the buffer between his partner and his mother (my grandmother) who hate each other but i have to keep up a relationship with both of them. (im in my early 20s, my parents separated when i was about 4 and im an only child.) he died of cancer and during the time he was dying his partner (of 15 years) was absolutely awful to his whole family, and made it quite clear she didnt want them there or for them to be involved in the funeral at all, she would not allow them to speak and it was obvious that she didnt want them visiting at the hospital or whatever though she tried to disguise the reasons why. she has never been easy to deal with but this went far beyond the pale, it was as if she could not see anyones needs past herself.

they were extremely hurt and angry, and still are, which i totally understand and i am really angry at her too, as to an extent she did the same thing to me only not as overtly. i understand that she is grieving too but i am having trouble letting go of all this anger i have towards her and have become depressed. i just feel really caught between being loyal to my dads family who i am close to and love very much, and my dads partner who i dont feel i can just abandon, but am still angry at.

as well as this, my mothers family (uncles, cousins, grandmother) barely bothered to contact me throughout the whole thing and i have heard basically nothing from all of them since. this makes me feel so disgusted and angry i can barely contain it, and the result has been that im taking out all my anger on my mother which is not fair on her but she just seems to push all the wrong buttons. they are pretty dysfunctional as it is but is it wrong of me to expect some support or sympathy from my own family?

i dont really feel i can talk to anyone about this as my friends, although they are kind just dont get what its like to be part of such a screwed up dysfunctional web of people.
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Old 02-14-10, 09:11 PM   #2
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i understand, how it feels like being stuck in the middle, with all these other issues that you would probably feel better off being taken care off. do what you can and do what you think is the right thing to do (for both sides). i know it's tough but never expect anything from anyone (regardless who the person is) unless you do not mind being disapointed.
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