I lost my father 1 year ago in the 11th Feb. I never thought I would ever be able to move....I miss him so much...I went to the War graves and put fresh rosemary, and I told him I had finished uni, and I knew he would be proud. I nursed my dad from the time he was diagnosed until the night he died at home....I washed him and dressed him...combed his hair...and he looked so peaceful...and it was at that point I completely lost the plot..I had held my emotions together through the whole process but when the funeral directors come to get him I locked them out of the room......He is in my thoughts every day.....and he was the first big loss to me in my life...He was a very hard man when I was younger...but my mother is slowly dying and through me looking after her and him...he think he realized that I did everything with unconditional love...and for that we became closer and closer....He told he he love me more than I would ever know, and his last words to me was that the only thing he needed at that very moment was me..........I have the last cloth I wiped his face with in my handbag, I carry his wallet in my bag. I have a huge photo of him when he was in the war in his naval uniform..etc.....these are the things that keep me close to him.....My only regret is that I wanted more of what we had found, love and being able to say it because we could.
I am still suffering, and eventually my mother will pass but she is a strong woman who has very little memory of anything........
To all of you who have lost a dad...don't let anyone tell you that hanging onto things that remind you of your dad to mind their own business...I wore his pyjama top around for three days after he died and my family thought I was going around the twist but it helped..just the smell of him....whatever it takes do it
Love to all