It comes to something when, seven years after my Dad died, I am still so overwhelmed with grief that I cannot contain my tears on the train - during rush hour. Just creeps up on me and I'm gone again.
How do other people manage so well? I'm a mess.
I have other emotional issues that I've spent the last few years having counselling for. But I just can't get over Dad being gone. It's killing me.
I can't go through more counselling, I feel wrung out, there is nothing left of me. I can't tell my husband the reality of my life - I hide it well. The downside of hiding it is that I worry if I do something it will come as a massive shock to him.
I just feel like in the end nothing really matters so why bother?