Am I wrong?
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Am I wrong?

This is a discussion on Am I wrong? within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I was recently told by another friend that I needed to get over the death (which was suicide that I ...

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Old 05-01-12, 05:35 PM   #1
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Default Am I wrong?

I was recently told by another friend that I needed to get over the death (which was suicide that I was also immensely involved in and therefore traumatized by it) of my best friend.

That just doesn't seem quite fair. It's only been 7 months.

On that note, this friend also told me that I needed to apologize for the way I've been acting lately. I've been grieving! No fucking wonder I seem "perpetually sad" and "occasionally unpleasant"?!

Am I wrong for being angry for the insensitivity?

Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive right now but... I'm sad. I obviously miss my best friend--I invested so my time and passion into that friendship and it suddenly came to a halt, destroying my life as I had known it to be.
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Old 05-01-12, 07:27 PM   #2
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zmy condolences for the loss of your best friend.

There is nothing wrong with grieving. I hope some day your friend will understand that.

We all take a different amount of time to mourn the loss of someone we love. And we all grieve and are affected differently by it. The loss of a loved one is never
easy to cope with. And you never forget them. If your friend doesnt understand this, thats her problem. You may be overly sensitive right now, but she is also being majorly insensitive
-What You Run From Only Stays With You Longer. When You Fight Something, You Only Make It Stronger-
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Old 05-04-12, 10:21 PM   #3
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Your friend is not a true friend if he cannot understand your pain after the death of your best friend. When family members of mine have died it has taken me a long time to get past that. I remember the anger being overwhelming at times. I wanted everyone I didn't like to die, I wanted to kill them.

Take your time. Everyone grieves differently, it takes everyone a different amount of time. Do what you need to do to help you get through this. It doesn't matter about anyone else right now, unless they are actually supporting you.

This is time for number one ok. Look after yourself
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Old 05-07-12, 10:08 AM   #4
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Sorry for your loss.

Do you have someone else who can support you through this terriable time?
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Old 05-07-12, 10:45 AM   #5
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Its been almost 4 years since I lost my brother and I still grieve for his loss. To tell anybody to "get over" anybodys death is crass and callous at best, and frankly is no friend at all. Nobody is allowed to tell you how to grieve. Every person does it differently and comes to grips with death in their own way.

You mourn the loss of your friend. Don't let anyone tell you different. There will come a time when the grief may be less, but you will still continue to grieve- maybe even the rest of your life. Thats OK.
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Old 05-07-12, 11:03 AM   #6
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Of course you are not wrong! I don't think we can ever fully get over the death of people we love. I think the pain just reduces in intensity... I still grieve my brother's death even though it's been over 20years. Some days, I remember him and feel sorry for him and my mum,but can get it off my mind conciously,but once in a while(rarely) I still cry.
This was someone you loved and cared about,Glassique. Don't let anyone rush you and don't feel pressured to put up appearances...

I'm sorry about your friend
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
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Old 05-07-12, 11:13 AM   #7
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Quite simply no you are not wrong. You take as long as you need. There are no time scales for things like this.
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Old 05-11-12, 12:27 AM   #8
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If I were you I woulda cursed him out after punching him in the face for being an a$$hole. Tell him to get over THAT.
I am sorry but your friend needs to apologize for HIS behavior towards you! THE NERVE OF THIS KID!
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Old 07-03-12, 06:07 PM   #9
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Sending condolences for the loss of your friend.

No you are not in the wrong at all! It's your "friend" who is in the wrong for being so insensitive. And it is your "friend" who should be apologising, not you. It's only been 7 months! And you're no way in the wrong for being angry for the insensitivity. I'm angry for you! . Do not let anyone tell you how to act or feel as they obviously don't know what it is like to lose someone close to them! again.
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Old 07-04-12, 12:36 AM   #10
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You absolutely are not wrong! My dad passed away on 4-28-2012 and I've got my speech prepared for anyone who tries to tell me to get over it and move on! I once had a so called friend tell me to get over the death of my uncle when I was much younger and didn't have the courage or depth to tell him to go to hell for such a nasty thing to say to someone who is hurting! That happened almost 14 years ago and I will never forget that remark! You take care of yourself and cry, yell, journal seek therapy whatever it takes to get you through this rough time. the way I see it is this, people who tell you things like that most likely don't have the depth or simply aren't comfortable with people who are hurting or in a dark place. My boyfriend is a police man and when my dad died he spent so much time trying to resolve and fix my despairity. I finally had to tell him to stop! Men often try to fix things because they don't like to see us hurting. I wasn't looking for him to fix my broken heart I just needed him to be able to not run away from my extremely sad and dark moments. I just needed him to listen and lend a shoulder to cry on. Take care of yourself.
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