All I feel is numbness
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All I feel is numbness

This is a discussion on All I feel is numbness within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; My mum past away about half a year ago. I still feel numb. Sure I've cried when I heard the ...

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Old 08-16-14, 08:05 AM   #1
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My mum past away about half a year ago. I still feel numb. Sure I've cried when I heard the news, when I sat by her side when she was lying in her coffin looking peacefully, when I closed the coffin only to realise that was going to be the last moment I would see her face, when I stood two meters from the oven that was going to burn her body and her belongings. But after that I felt so numb. I thought it would fade with time, but six months in and I've never felt more numb than now. I WANT to cry, but I cant. I visit her ashes and the whole ride there I think about what I want to say and how I want to cry to release the pain, but when I'm there and I look at her picture and the flowers and the urn, I'm empty.
The numbness is killing me inside. I write to her, I talk to her, there isn't a day that goes by without me going through the events preceding her sudden death, but still the tears remain inside. I feel like this way I can't move forward. The pain is stuck inside of me. When people ask or mention her death, I feel numb as fuck. They must think what a horrible daughter I am for not caring or grieving. I just don't know how I'm supposed to get over this numbness.
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"When the night is young but it makes you feel much older
And you comatose each waking hour of life
When the days go by but the darkness lingers longer
And before you know it life is one long night"
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Old 08-16-14, 08:47 AM   #2
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Give it a time. Truth is, that pain (in your case, masked as numbness) wont go away, but it will calm down with time.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My condolences. Sending huge hugs and support.
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