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This is a discussion on __________________________ within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Not sure how to start this without it sounding like me, me, me. -----I got the phone call from hell ...

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Old 04-03-13, 04:39 AM   #1
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Not sure how to start this without it sounding like me, me, me.
-----I got the phone call from hell seven weeks ago from my sister saying would I go to the hospital as mum and dad and been in a car crash. The journey there was a nightmare as I was alone and did not know what condition I would find them in. From what my sister said the car had rolled over so I was wondering if they would both be dead when I got there or if they were alive what terrible injuries they would have. I was shown into resus when I got to the hospital and they were both alive, dad had four broken ribs mum had a nasty cut on her leg and closed fracture of her knee cap. Dad told me that the car had not rolled but it had spun and they had hit a huge telegraph pole hard enough to snap it and luckily it had landed by the side of the car and not on top of it.
-----While in hospital mum was given drugs that made her hallucinate. We are not sure what she did whether or not she fell out of the bed or got out but she fell and broke the top of her femur. She was given an operation to fix it and the bone had to be pinned and plated. We are not sure if she broke the hip in the falling out of bed or if it was an injury sustained in the car crash and was missed by the hospital.
-----Dad seemed to be doing better by this time he was due to come home and when I went to visit him he was sitting up in bed eating and chatting to the other patients on the ward.
-----Then there that phone call from hell again and this time from my brother. I had better get up the hospital fast as they were going to turn the machines off. Dad had, had a massive bleed on the brain and the only thing keeping him alive was the ventilator. All the family turned up and all told it saw as digified as it could be under the circumstances. The doctors said he did not suffer and he just went to sleep and never woke up. I keep thinking was that the truth or did they just say that to make it easier on us, I hope it is true. His death came as a shock as he was doing so well.
-----It came out later that he fell over and banged his head while he was in the hospital so we are not sure where injury that lead to the bleed was caused. They did an autopsy on him and they said injury was caused in the crash. There is going to be an inquest but we have been told this could take up to year.
-----After that mum was released from hospital. She was still in a lot of pain from the hip and could only walk using a Zimmer frame. My brother lives there but I had to go and stay over there as well to help mum with the things that my brother did not want to. It was fine at first but after a couple of weeks my brother turned nasty on me and kept sniping insults at me. I also started to feel very down and depressed. I was sleeping in dad's room too and that did not really feel right either and I think my brother resented it. I am sure he would go in the room and smoke as the room often stank of his roll ups and one day I found a dog end stubbed out in the glass I had been using to take my pills with. The TV packed up in the room and he refused to to look at it and try and fix it, any other time he would have done. I would go up there of an evening sometimes to get away from the cigarette smoke as mum smoke too and I hate it. When came home to clean out the snakes the first thing I did was strip off, put everything in the washing machine and have a bath, I friend of mine even told me that I stank like a dirty ash tray. The sheets on the bed had only been on for two days but when I stripped the bed they stank yet no one should have been smoking in that room. Dad hated it too and wanted mum to give up. My brother said some really nasty things to me and as the days went on he just got worse. The TV was the last straw and yeaterday morning I packed all my things up and came home. What started the last barney of was he found a couple of chocolate wrappers in the bin, so I eat chocolate every so often, that does not poison other people like his constant smoking does. He should not have even been going in that room.
-----I decided enough was enough. Mum was up and doing things for herself so she did not really need me there anymore. My brother did not want me there so that was it. I felt tired, depressed and had not had the time to grieve for dad. I wanted to be alone and have time to myself, I had, had more than enough of my brothers abuse. My sister called me later and when I told her I was not going back over there and told her why she said he snapped at her for going through some papers of dads, stuff that needed to be looked at. Even mum commented on how bad tempered he was. I understand that he is grieving, but we all are and no one else is taking out on other people.
-----Now I just feel so damned tired, not tired through lack of sleep but utterly exausted with everything. I have no energy and do not want to do anything as it is all such an effort. Even walking is difficult and I drag my feet. I have not had a good cry since the day the machines were turned off and now feel too depressed and exausted to cry. I am also wondering if my brother is heading for another breakdown as he had one a few years ago. None of the arrangements have been made for the funeral yet either.
-----I am just so tired now, wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.

Last edited by Molurus Bivittatus; 04-03-13 at 04:42 AM.
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Old 04-03-13, 07:47 AM   #2
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Hey hey you,

I'm not really posting much at the moment, but I just wanted to say 'Fucking Wow.'

I am so sorry you've had all that going on. I'm sorry you lost your father. I'm sorry things were really complicated (!?) with other family members.

I can't blame you for feeling exhausted- you've been through an incredibly tough time.

All I'd ask is that you take some time out for you. Try your best to make sure that you're Ok in all of this. I know even suggesting that might sound bogus, but I think it's important.

In my opinion, you've been through more stress over the last few weeks than a human being should be able to bare. You totally deserve some time out, maybe a couple of weeks in bed just feeling warm and safe.

That's all I can think of to say. Take good care of yourself :=]
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Old 04-03-13, 12:28 PM   #3
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Thank you. I am going to take some time out for me now.
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Old 04-26-13, 03:15 AM   #4
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Hi MB,

Sorry your going through so much right now. I would cut your brother some slack, sounds like he's dealing with grief also. Too bad it comes out this way though. It's almost like he needs to go the gym and hit a punching bag or something. IDK.

I'm glad you got away from it all and can give yourself a break too. Try to get as much rest as you can right now. Keep us update on how things are going with your family, funeral and you. Take Care.
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Old 04-27-13, 02:28 AM   #5
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Case of high anxiety ATM and it is coming out by making me physically ill. I went to see the doc who put me on Diazepam to calm me down. Not eating really either, this happens when I get stressed and I tend not to sleep either. My brother seems to have calmed down a bit now and mum is up and about a lot more and doing a lot more for herself.
-----I may start to feel better after the funeral, I think I need the closer it will bring.
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Old 04-27-13, 02:47 AM   #6
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Well, I'm glad your mom is doing better and so is your brother, hopefully this will help you out. I'm glad you went to the doctor and get the diazepam hope it works out and try to eat something even if it's small.

Hopefully now that the two of them are in better shape the funeral arrangements can be made because right now everything is in limbo and no plans, I agree can be stressful.
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Old 04-27-13, 03:14 AM   #7
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My sister has been helping with all the paper work and other things but she is the type who wants everything done yesterday. She can be very bossy too and phoned me up yesterday and ordered me to go round mum's on Sunday. I have a tummy bug ATM so I would rather not go over there in case mum gets it. She has enough to deal with as it is. Anyway I phoned Mum and told her I would go over there when I felt better and not because I had been ordered to go over there. Mum was fine with that and said my sister is doing her head in as well.
-----I think the funeral should be soon now, I just want it over with but I am not pushing mum to get it done.
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Old 04-28-13, 12:18 AM   #8
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((((((((molurus)))))))) sending you big hugs
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Old 04-28-13, 01:39 AM   #9
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Thanks for the advise TooMuch.

Thanks for the hugs Blue Girl.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))

For both of you.
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Old 04-28-13, 03:04 AM   #10
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Hey Molurus,

I hope you're doing as well as you can. Things sound difficult still, but it totally sounds like you're keeping your head above water. That's an achievement, I think :=]

Take care.
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