I wish there was something I could do to be done grieving over the loss of my father just nearly 9 years ago (this September).
Every day I live, it feels like I'm reliving day 1 over and over and over again. People like friends try to help me by telling me its ok, or by sharing their stories of loss and the initial words being "I know what you're going through" but its hard for me to believing them, because they weren't 23 months old when they lost their mother to a heart attack.. And they weren't 11 when the found their father on the back deck trying to kill himself.
I digress, I think maybe its the fact that my father succeed in suicide, but he lived for nearly a week before passing of a heart attack. I think that its becuase my last memory of him was him in the hospital, and was fine.. I was only told by my uncle that my dad had passed.. And I never got to say goodbye.
I just wish I could stop grieving.. As much as I loved and continue to still love my dad.. I want to live a "normal" life and not be depressed all the time.. My father wouldn't want that.