1991 was a long time ago
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Life's Other Challenges > Grieving


1991 was a long time ago

This is a discussion on 1991 was a long time ago within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; That's the year that my cousin died from deep vein thrombosis after giving birth to a very premature daughter who ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-07-10, 09:50 PM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 43
My Mood:
Default 1991 was a long time ago

That's the year that my cousin died from deep vein thrombosis after giving birth to a very premature daughter who was sickly but pulled thru.

I did get to say goodbye to her dead body and kiss her face and rub her hair. I was 13. She was 19.

Her daughter was murdered at age 6 in 1997.

I loved them both and I miss them so much. In the back of my mind it feels like my life would be so much more rich and different if they were still here with me. Maybe, maybe not. Pointless to speculate.

I guess I wrote this post because I feel sad and I've never expressed it. They are dead and I am here and who has ever cared about my deep sadness? Everyone has lost someone, just another part of life. It was so long ago.

But I have this hot and cold anger inside of me. Red hot anger towards people and icy cold heart unwilling to forgive or trust or be vulnerable. Very little compassion for others. The people that I do love, I am an emotional terrorist and I'm not nearly as kind as they deserve me to be.

I dont know if I want to change, but my body is giving me so much grief I think I have to try. My fear was of being eaten alive in this crazy world but now I am eating myself alive from the inside out.

I have plenty more to lose and I will if I do not change my ways.
Blueprint is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-10, 09:57 PM   #2
TTL Silver Member
 
Venom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Unanswered Threads (It's Fun There)
Posts: 8,292
My Mood:
Default

Yea, word up on that, losing people is always hard and then you look back at how much time passes and you still think sometimes... A lot of deaths get to me too, my grandpa and dad when I was 13, whom I watched die, and my grandmother who died this year, I'm 23. I feel I should have been there to watch her die; like I owed it to her. But I wasn't around. Good luck with your greiving buddy I can't continue this without emotionally stressing myself. I repress and minimize I'm sure.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


If God isn't working for you, then He is working through you. Spread the love.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Venom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-10, 10:45 PM   #3
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 43
My Mood:
Default

Thx for ur thoughts. I think repression has an expiration date and I have reached mine. :-)
Blueprint is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-10, 10:12 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
hydiidepressio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,633
My Mood:
Default

Oh this was very sad to read, my sympathy to you and your families.


((((((Blueprint))))))
hydiidepressio is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

« Oh my | kevin. »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:40 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2