This is something that I have started asking myself, something that in a way splits me down the middle. For so many years I lived under the rule that in life you had to take things seriously. High grades were necessary, behaving properly at all times, you had to have a goal in life, otherwise you would amount to nothing. Yet this illusion of necessity and seriousness has cracked bit by bit after all the years of hard work that led up to nothing, with more ego crushing experiences than I care to count and that still happen whenever I try to foolishly live up to an expectation that I simply cannot meet.
So while I continue looking for that ever elusive thing called happiness, I have come to see that the times when I can be content,because I wouldn't call it truly happy since they are fleeting, are the times in which I act childishly. The same kind of way as what a child would behave as, without a care in the world so long as they were playing, having fun and whatnot. Whenever I sit down and watch a cartoon I like or go buy a comic book or toy, or even sometimes just act contentedly ignorant of the rest of the world, I get that joyful feeling. The thing is that this has me confused because grown ups who act childishly are usually categorized as being either retarded and/or creepy by others and a part of me still thinks this way as well, especially since I look after 2 other family members and think to myself as a grown up, that such an attitude is irresponsible and therefore should not be indulged in. But I do enjoy the way I feel when I do let this attitude take over and wish that I could make that feeling last indeterminably rather than just a few seconds, every couple of weeks/months or so. If it was possible I would gladly trade my life now for a second chance at being a kid again and actually enjoying life instead of wasting it away seeking something that I was taught but never actually existed and that I sadly have come to realize now. Should such an attitude be permitted in oneself?
Has anyone else experienced this in their lives?