what is wrong with me?
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what is wrong with me?

This is a discussion on what is wrong with me? within the Friendships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I haven't had friends or anything resembling a social life for 9 years. The last time I made friends who ...

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Old 03-24-17, 04:00 PM   #1
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Default what is wrong with me?

I haven't had friends or anything resembling a social life for 9 years. The last time I made friends who I hung with regularly was in my sophomore year of high school. Lately I've been thinking about the friendships I made in the past. I notice that there are some patterns.

I have always been the one putting in all the effort into building friendships. Most of the time, the people I became friends with initially disliked me or were completely indifferent to me. I worked hard to win them over by consistently being entertaining and doing things for them. This happened EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have never made friends with people who showed interest in me first. What does that say about me? I must be very unlikable or unattractive.

When I was accepted as a member of their group, it always led to one of two situations:

1) I was perceived as weak or disposable to the group. The runt of the litter. I was often made fun of, belittled, or patronized in social situations. I was frequently left out or forgotten about whenever my friends made plans. Eventually I would get tired of the subtle bullying and stop interacting with them.

2) I had high status or influence within the group, but was secretly hated by other members. I was constantly met with jealousy and unfriendly competition even though I generally treated them well. There were several times where I made jokes that offended people, but I always made an effort to talk to them about it afterwards and apologize. I know that this is unusual, especially among guys. So I didn't understand why they seemed to hold a grudge. These friendships typically ended as a result of conflict within the group. It often didn't even involve me. Usually two other people would have beef with each other and I'd be caught in the middle of it. I never took sides, yet I somehow became the scapegoat.

The crazy part is that these patterns hold true for relationships in my family too. It's always been that way with my siblings and cousins. I guess I got tired of it and completely gave up on interacting with people once I started college.
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Old 03-24-17, 04:12 PM   #2
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And here's the other weird part:

I can't make friends with the few people who do show interest in me first. Whenever I meet people who treat me well and show interest, it never goes anywhere. This is typically the case with quieter/more introverted people. Despite my efforts to build a connection, there doesn't seem to be any chemistry. Socializing with them inevitably starts to feel like a chore. I get bored and we eventually grow apart. They go on to make a ton of other friends, but I don't.
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