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Need advice ASAP

This is a discussion on Need advice ASAP within the Friendships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; One of my roommates's mother came. He was going to put her with his sister. But situation there has changed, ...

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Old 01-15-18, 02:40 PM   #1
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One of my roommates's mother came. He was going to put her with his sister. But situation there has changed, and now he is not able to.

So he asked me if she could stay in his room, while he would be sleeping on a couch at his friend for a couple days. I said ok.

He called today, his friends basically left him. So he decided he would move out by the end of this month and said I could keep the deposit, since he let me down. He also mentioned, that he wanted to stay one more month, but there is nowhere he can take his mom to.

I was thinking to let him stay here with his mom another month for a small additional amount. Because he is a nice guy and I understand his situation. And I don't think I'd be bothered much with his mom. She has been here for 4-5 days, I haven't seen her yet.

Plus I might go out of town a few times. And this will be extra money, that I can't just go find anywhere.

Then I thought to myself: do I need this? Sometimes when I try to do good to other people, it turns out bad for me.

What do you guys think?
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Old 01-15-18, 03:16 PM   #2
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It normal that you want help your friend in need. I probably would do same as you did with his mom.

However it can be unhealthy if you don't say no in situations where you feel highly uncomfortable with something.
At end of the day it not your responsibility to help him as he have putted himself in this situation even if his friend left him or his plan about sister changed, he had no backup plan and it his personal relationships and problems with sister/friend/mom in first place.

In this actual situation it up to you, we all want be good friends and help person in need -but do you feel comfortable with him staying also? Are there specific amount of money to make you feel comfortable with him staying?

I think more important is that you are asking yourself questions about your relationships overall as this is situation what will repeat but maybe in different way with different persons.
For example:
Do you feel you are helping other people to level where you ignore your personal needs?
Do you feel you should sometimes say no or not offer help to people because you don't feel comfortable with something in situation but end up saying yes anyway?
Do you think you will be bad friend/person if you will say no or not offer help to your friend in need even if you feel uncomfortable with situation?

Last edited by raivis; 01-15-18 at 03:21 PM.
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Old 01-15-18, 03:33 PM   #3
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Quote:
In this actual situation it up to you, we all want be good friends and help person in need -but do you feel comfortable with him staying also? Are there specific amount of money to make you feel comfortable with him staying?
Obviously you ask same questions about - do you feel comfortable with his mom staying also? Are there specific amount of money to make you feel comfortable with his mom staying?
Whatever fits your situation.
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Old 01-15-18, 06:18 PM   #4
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Raivis, you are absolutely right.

I've met his mom today for the first time. She seems like a very nice lady. But For a bit of a second, I felt some negativity, and her being a little nosy?!

I decided, that I would not offer my help. If he asks for it, we will work it out, if not, I won't be trying so hard to help.

But overall, he is a nice person, probably the first one who wasn't trying to push boundaries too far.

Thanks Raivis, for you help in sorting this.
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The world isn't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place. And I don't care how tough you are, it'll beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You'll be a nobody. It's going to hit as hard as life. But it's not about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward...

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Old 01-15-18, 07:20 PM   #5
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I am happy to hear you sorted it out.
Nice to hear that you are thinking about your boundaries and that some people might try push them.
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