My so called friend.
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My so called friend.

This is a discussion on My so called friend. within the Friendships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Hi Guys! Just looking for some advice. My problem is my friend "the player'. The one I've been chasing for ...

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Old 03-22-15, 11:01 AM   #1
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Hi Guys! Just looking for some advice.

My problem is my friend "the player'. The one I've been chasing for about 3 years and then we hooked up and broke up in the same year. After I broke up with him we didn't talk for 6 weeks, he needed help so contacted me through his little cousin. During the 6 weeks I decided that I needed to move away from him and get a clean break because I moved close by to him. After we got back together as friends cause he needed help. IDK. The funny thing is that I care about him a lot and if he wanted to go back out again, I probably would give him a second chance. But he doesn't want to go back out as far as I can see. This still feels like a rejection to me but still were friends.

I think our friendship is for all the wrong reasons. The other night he needed help again, so he called me. So we got together and got the problem taken care of but after that I wanted to go to a restaurant to eat. So since I suggested that we go eat I feel I should pay for the lunch too. So we went to a restaurant from his country I wanted to try the food out and when we got there, I said I wish his little cousin was there, his little cousin is also his best friend. He called his little cousin and I had drive to school to pick up the little cousin and bring him back to the restaurant.

This is the part that bothered me. The little cousin and him spoke in their language the whole time we were together. My friend the player always does this. It bothers me. Most of the people in his country will say sorry we are speaking our language but it's always my "player' who initiates the switch in language.

You know I did enjoy my lunch and getting out. I loved that his little cousin came to lunch also. But they did speak in their language the whole time and I don't blame the little cousin at all. After paying $70 for lunch for the 3 of us. I just wondered if this is a person I want to be friends with. It bothered me a lot. It was rude. Only one time did they stop speaking their language and that was to ask me if I was enjoying the meal. Which I was. It was a nice day out but I feel disrespected by my friend.

I feel shut out at times. I think we are friends as long as he needs me or I have a lot of limits on our friendship or he has a wall up. I just feel it's fake as fuck and there are times I want to call him out on it. I just wish he was different and maybe not my 'go to person' when I need help.

I think at times we do 'need' each other for help. This June I will be having day surgery again and he will have to pick me up from the hospital. Like he did last time. If I don't have him to do that for me, I have no one else. Maybe his little cousin. I've already asked the little cousin for back up.

I've been really questioning this friendship. But I think my loneliness keeps me there but I do feel, neglected and disrespected at times. I think he's abit abusive at times more mental, He just never forgiven me for that guy 3 years ago where he thought I was trying to cheat on him. IDK.

I think at times I need him too because no one else is around. I suppose at the end of it all I just wish he was different than he was.

IDK, something don't feel right.
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Old 03-22-15, 07:36 PM   #2
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You are right it is incredibly rude to speak a foreign language in front of a guest who doesnt understand, especially when the means for a common language is available. No offense but what I've read on this particular guy is that he's a user. He'll be around so long as he has the most benefit from your friendship. Keeping in touch is entirely up to you and I see where you are coming from since you have no one else to help you. But if it were me, I'd seriously do what I could to make other friends that would treat you right. You've been through too much to deserve any less. Just my two cents
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Old 03-23-15, 01:14 PM   #3
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Thank you Dax! I agree! I'm still on the look out for new friends and even a new boyfriend. I'm open. I agree I think he's parasitic and I have distanced myself somewhat from him. TBH I haven't seen him since December and haven't contacted him much. But I need someone here. I just wish he was different.

I think everything you said is bang on.
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Old 03-23-15, 01:49 PM   #4
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I agree with dax, he sounds like "user". I think that that "friendship" you have with him is affecting you really badly, that it causes a lot issues on you which you really dont need in your life. Some people dont change. I think he only makes you feel bad at this point. Its hard overcoming being in love with him, i understand, but i think if you keep contacting him, that you feel more and more inferior. And i dont want you to feel that way.

Dont let him torture you, you can find much much better friend then he is. What he had done is purely rude.

I am sure that you can make some friend, either at gym where you are going, or in job, church, some meeting people sites etc.

Ultimatively,considering your operation, every clinic offers some kind of help to people who need to be transported home. You can ask around about it, and even if they dont offer it, there will for sure be some kind nurse or doctor that will let you go with nurses or ER car to go home.


Please dont let him hurt you anymore, in any way TooMuch, you have taken too much ( hehe see what i did there), for too long. You deserve to be treated nicely and somewhere out there in your city there will be some guy that you will like and that will treat you like you deserve to be treated.
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Old 03-25-15, 12:31 AM   #5
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nsdimitrije, yeah, you've touched on something I've been feeling for awhile. I basically spent 3 years with someone who thinks I'm not good enough and pretty well lets me know it. TBH, I'm tired of not being good enough too. I've given 110 % and it's gotten me nowhere. So that helps in the giving up on him process.

I have purposely distanced myself and not contacted him for weeks at a time. I needed to do this to help me move on which has helped greatly especially when my head was full of thoughts of him. I'm still trying to find new friends too. Good friends who think I'm good enough. I'm tired of his bruised ego, mental abuse and bullshit.

I really want to be with someone who thinks I'm good enough and respects me. Maybe that is what I learned from this relationship.

Thanks for the advice. My contact with him is minimal now and I realize I can't get a proper relationship or friendship out of him. So just going to keep distancing myself from him eventually I know I'll move on.
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Old 03-25-15, 05:46 AM   #6
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You will move on TooMuch, it just takes time for heart to heal.

And best luck in finding nice guy and friends for yourself!!!
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