There's a friend I've been talking to online for a few years now. We struggle with the same issues (severe social anxiety, depression) and have a lot in common. We've shared some really personal things with each other and became pretty close over the years. Last week, we talked and I learned that his life is drastically improving. He just graduated from college and has landed an amazing job. He's found a group of friends who he hangs out with regularly. He goes out all the time to nightclubs and concerts. He's been working out a lot and improving his appearance. He's starting to talk to girls and get their numbers. It seems as though he has overcome his anxiety - something I can never see myself doing.
I'm supposed to feel happy for him but I don't. In fact, I kind of hate him for it. It makes me feel like such a hopeless loser. I want to cut him out of my life even though he hasn't done anything wrong to me. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. I can't count the number of times all my "friends" have moved on and left me in the dust. I'm always the one who gets left behind. I do my best, but my life never changes for the better. I was dealt such a terrible hand.
What really upsets me is the fact that he told me about any of this shit to begin with. He knows that it would hurt me, so why share it? I just can't believe how much people change once things start going well for them in life. This guy used to be so pessimistic and cynical about everything. I liked him that way. Now he's preaching some optimistic BS and trying to give me advice. It really pisses me off. He's acting like such a fucking hypocrite. He used to constantly message me when he had nobody else to talk to, but now he acts like he's too busy to chat for a few minutes. I guess success shows a person's true colors. I just want to delete him from my contacts and never speak again.
I think I've come to the realization that I can never be friends with someone who has more than what I have in life. It hurts too much. I guess I'll never be able to form any kind of bond with other people because I'm inferior to everyone in one way or another. I'm going to be alone forever.