About a month ago, I moved in with my roommate. We did hook up previously years ago. I suppose for him it still awkward. I'm sleeping in the living room for now. He decided that we must have a 2 bedroom so now were moving again starting tonight.
I can only say my roommate has 'this wall" up. We've been friends for about 4 years. Was a couple briefly and now back to friends. I care deeply for this guy. Well hell I did. But there is this fuckin wall up. I know the Wall came up when we started dating 4 years ago and he caught me in the car with another guy and the other guy was making moves. I think Sexually Assaulted might even be a better definition. When car guy was done... I felt violated, it was a feeling I never had before and it took me half an hour alone in my car to figure out what that feeling was. It was the Only feeling I had. Car guy got out of control. The next day I found out that my roommate saw everything and we broke up and at this point we never had sex. I told him I was fighting car guy off but my roommate thought I was fucking enjoying myself. I've given car guy a ride home many times...but he never did anything like this before. Till this day I refuse to let a guy into my car or even roll down my window to guys I work with. So that day my boyfriend dumped me basically and started treating me like shit. I tried to get back with him and told him it wasn't what he thought it was. It came down to I didn't punch car guy...and I opened the door to him. I've given car guy aride home for years and nothing like that happen. I broke my Roommates heart that day. So after that I tried for years to get on his good side and can't. I'm just not good enough.
After about 6 months, of me chasing him, his gf called me and told me that he had a wife. I was like he has a gf and a wife. I know. At the time he was out of country and I had sent him money through Western Union for him to help him out which I think he spent on his wife. I sent him money weekly. On returning home, his gf broke into email account and found out I was corresponding with him and sent him money. His gf made fun of me for sending money and told me had a wife. I started going on facebook to find out if all was true and it was, it took months of investigation. I kicked his ass to the curb the day he came back from vacation. Meanwhile his wife and gf both stayed with him and they call each other and fight over the phone.
So I dated one of his friends. Apparently another no, no. I liked his friend alot, he had a nice energy. If my roommate found out he would be pissed. It's something I kept secret. I think its some kind of guy code thing. IDK. But originally he introduced us and I was felt that he 'pimped' me out. I think he was tired of me chasing him. I can't explain. But I liked the guy eventually. After about 6 months we broke up. Just didn't feel he was treating me right. Something felt "off". A year later, i found out he was married. I was right ...something was off.
Then my roommate came back as a friend and after about 2 years we decided to have sex. It was a choice I felt I had to make because I was so-o in love. It lasted about 6 weeks. I believe he was having sex with other women. I dropped his ass.
Again didn't talk to him for months. He needed help along with his cousin so his cousin called me. We came back as friends again. But, this time, we got the sex out of the way, I know he's married, I know he has several girlfriends and he's a player.
So, I'm happy to be just friends now. I care about him. That's all I can say. I wouldn't want to see the guy hurt and I'm supportive.
So when he asked me to move in to be a roommate, it took me about a week or two to decide and I thought why not? He's suppose to be leaving in a year to marry his wife? I call her wife but they engaged.
So, THE WALL. WTF? I'm tired of the WALL. He only talks to me when he wants something. I gave him a ride to work for the last 3 days about a 10 minute drive and he won't talk to me. Hell... we took a day trip 2 weeks ago...gone 18 hours and he barely talked to me. When he comes home he goes to the bedroom and spends hours talking to all kinds of women but he won't talk to me. If we do end up talking...it's about the weather, or work related stuff. Nothing personal. Nothing deep and meaningful. A few times he's had family and friends over and he is the one who switches the conversation to his national language so I can't understand. So I feel like I'm not part of the group. I don't feel welcomed.
I am just disappointed. I was so excited to have a friend, to have a roommate and to save money. I was over the moon when I moved in. But he's got a wall up. I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting to be his friend, I'm tired of not being good enough. I tried cooking for him and he rejected that too. So basically the only thing he wants from me is my money and fuck u. That's how I feel. I feel I'm being used. I feel alone and neglected. I feel not good enough. I'm beginning to see maybe I'm not a friend but someone he can use. I know he's parasitic, I know he's a pathlogicial liar, I know he's a player and has many girlfriends.
I just wanted to be a friend and roommate. It hurts when he's shutting me out. I'm finally getting angry about this. To top it off I thought I would be here for at least a year.... I think I'll be out in a few months possibly in a few days. Currently moving tonight with my roommate to a 2 bedroom and then I found a place but I don't know if I have the money. It looks beautiful. I'm thinking about it. But that would be moving 3 times in 3 months. If you can friggin believe tthat and I'll pay rent for 2 places for August.
I'm tired of the rejection. I'm disappointed in myself. I think because I have no one in my life right now, he feels like something but I deserve a better friend than that.
If I stay I don't know for how long and being in Canada you don't want to have to move in the winter. Just confused at what to do. I have to be out of here tonight and move upstairs to the other apartment. I could stay here but to be honest, I just don't feel he wants me here. Like why invite me...if you don't really want me here? Money?
I found one place I like on Kijiji. But they want to rent for August 1st I feel it will probably go quickly. I don't have the money for August 1st or it won't be easy.
Originally, when I moved in with my roommate I thought why give my money to a stranger and give it to a friend instead. We can help each other out. Now I'm thinking... I would rather be somewhere where I'm appreciated and wanted. IDK.
Just don't know what to do. Thanks for letting me vent.