For as much as I wish I had friends or was closer to my family I also realize that that's never going to happen. I will never become close with anyone, ever, because I can't talk to them about what's really going on. I'm always afraid I'll depress them or let them down, and on the rare occassions I actually try to form deeper, more meaningful relationships, that's exactly what I do. I'm a burden on people. I don't offer anyone anything. I'll just bring you down with me.
I wish I could just accept that I'll be living my life with nothing more than a handful (maybe) or superficial friends that just see me as the weird quiet guy with no personality. I probably won't have to do it for that long, anyway.