I want to go to a nightclub, but...
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I want to go to a nightclub, but...

This is a discussion on I want to go to a nightclub, but... within the Friendships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I have no friends or people to go with. I have social phobia but this is something I really want ...

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Old 04-08-16, 06:45 PM   #1
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Default I want to go to a nightclub, but...

I have no friends or people to go with.

I have social phobia but this is something I really want to experience before I'm too old. Most people I've talked to about this suggest that I get involved in some extracurricular activities or volunteer work to make friends first. But honestly, that crap takes too much time and effort. By the time I've built a decent social circle, I'll be nearly 30 (if I'm lucky). I can't wait that long and it'll be pointless at that age anyway.

Tbh, I don't care about the social aspect of it. I've pretty much given up on the idea of making friends. I just want to get drunk, enjoy some music, and have fun once in a while. I live in the suburbs and most nightclubs are downtown, about 1 - 2 hours away. I want to go by myself. How can I go to a nightclub alone and stay safe?

I wish there was some kind of service where you pay someone to watch your back for the night. I'm mainly concerned about getting home safely since I'd be too drunk to drive. In addition, I'm worried that someone might try to pick a fight with me or something. Also, what would I do if I got the opportunity to hook up with a girl?

I need advice. I don't know how people go about doing this stuff.

Last edited by Black Sheep; 04-08-16 at 06:47 PM.
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Old 04-15-16, 08:56 AM   #2
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Don't suppose this will help but most nightclubs would not allow a single male to go in on their own. Your age doesn't help either.
Why not go to a venue to see a band or maybe just go to bars.They would be easier to approach and get into. Plus they're much less intimidating to the uninitiated.
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Old 04-22-16, 11:35 PM   #3
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Don't suppose this will help but most nightclubs would not allow a single male to go in on their own. Your age doesn't help either.
Why not go to a venue to see a band or maybe just go to bars.They would be easier to approach and get into. Plus they're much less intimidating to the uninitiated.
are you sure about that? And what do you mean my age doesn't help? I'm only in my early 20s...

so what's your advice then? I should just give up on one of the few things I would enjoy in life?

I don't care for venues or bars. Why would I want to sit by myself and feel depressed and lonely all night? Sounds like a recipe for suicide. I just want to get drunk, dance, have fun, maybe have a casual hookup, and go home. Nightclubs seem like the ideal setting for that. I crave excitement not relaxation.
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Old 04-26-16, 07:31 AM   #4
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Yes a lot of nightclubs will not allow a single male to enter. I know I've tried it. I've also worked the doors of clubs and I've been explicitly told not to let single men in. It's crap I know.
Age is a difficult one., I misread and thought you were older. You probably are at or around the optimum age for getting in.
It's just that trying to get into a club can be one of the most depressing and dispiriting things imaginable. You can get rejected for being on your own, not being the right age, not wearing the right clothes - the list is endless. If the picker on the door feels that you;'re not going to enhance their audience mix you won't get in. When I was a bouncer I used to wait for the picker to go on a break and then let in the people he would reject and reject the sort of people he would allow in. But don't expect you'll be able to rely on that.
I have known pickers who have said that they would prefer the club to be empty than be full of the sort of people that he didn't want to allow in.
Not surprisingly night clubs are closing in droves. people choose not to go because they're so expensive and it's easier and cheaper to go to a bar. Plus the rising costy of inner city real estate is killing them off.
Realistically you may not find a nightclub to go to.
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Old 04-26-16, 09:04 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by elguapo View Post
Don't suppose this will help but most nightclubs would not allow a single male to go in on their own. Your age doesn't help either.
Why not go to a venue to see a band or maybe just go to bars.They would be easier to approach and get into. Plus they're much less intimidating to the uninitiated.
Are you sure about this? From what I gather they would just make guys stand in line while they let girls/groups in. I mean, if it's a really busy night club then I suppose it's possible you'd never get in because the line would never move.

I agree about the bar/music venue, but really it's just a matter of personal preference. Maybe try the night club, if it looks like you're not going to have much luck with that, find a bar to go to.
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Old 04-26-16, 09:13 AM   #6
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I don't care for venues or bars. Why would I want to sit by myself and feel depressed and lonely all night? Sounds like a recipe for suicide. I just want to get drunk, dance, have fun, maybe have a casual hookup, and go home. Nightclubs seem like the ideal setting for that. I crave excitement not relaxation.
If you're anything like me then the night club could produce the same response. It's good you have such a positive attitude about going to one, though. Why not take the same attitude to a good bar with a live band? Could be a similar environment, just different music and maybe less dancing.

As for the hookup, that's much easier said that done. I'm not saying go into this expecting the worse, but set some realistic expectations for yourself, too. I'm 29 now but when I was younger and tried to get out more and failed to meet anyone I just started getting the attitude of "well what's the point of even going out."

Focus on the things you plan on doing when you go out (i.e., have control over), not what you hope happens.
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Old 04-26-16, 12:24 PM   #7
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Good luck -- give it a go if you can get in alone! Have to say I would rather get a moderately-severe virus myself.
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Old 04-27-16, 04:53 AM   #8
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Are you sure about this? From what I gather they would just make guys stand in line while they let girls/groups in.
I'm afraid so. A lot of night clubs have a policy that they won't let single men in. Of course the financial situation for nightclubs is so bad now that sometimes they will bend the rules just to get someone through the door. But would you really want to go to an empty club?
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Old 04-29-16, 11:11 PM   #9
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If you're anything like me then the night club could produce the same response. It's good you have such a positive attitude about going to one, though. Why not take the same attitude to a good bar with a live band? Could be a similar environment, just different music and maybe less dancing.

As for the hookup, that's much easier said that done. I'm not saying go into this expecting the worse, but set some realistic expectations for yourself, too. I'm 29 now but when I was younger and tried to get out more and failed to meet anyone I just started getting the attitude of "well what's the point of even going out."

Focus on the things you plan on doing when you go out (i.e., have control over), not what you hope happens.
Yeah, I hear you on that. I don't expect a hookup at all. It would be a bonus if anything. Most girls probably see me as a pathetic loser. But alcohol can do wonders for my confidence and social ability in the short-term

Like I said, the idea of a bar/live band doesn't seem as appealing for whatever reason. Besides I don't know of any good bars that have live music.

I've had the attitude of "what's the point in going out" since I became a teenager... so I never went out and I missed out on my youth. Now I'm filled with regret and I want to go out, but I can't because I've been isolated so long, I can't socialize, and I have no friends. These have been the worst years of my life. I'm trying to take small steps and go out, but the feeling of being inferior to everyone else always comes back to haunt me and I relapse. I hate being so inexperienced and weak compared to everyone else my age. I hate being such a loser.
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Old 04-29-16, 11:15 PM   #10
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Are you sure about this? From what I gather they would just make guys stand in line while they let girls/groups in. I mean, if it's a really busy night club then I suppose it's possible you'd never get in because the line would never move.
yeah that's what I thought too... I've only heard of people getting turned away for being underage, dressing wrong, or acting really obnoxious. I knew a group of guys who used to go clubbing all the time, and they didn't have any girls with them.
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