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Guys before friendship

This is a discussion on Guys before friendship within the Friendships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; We met 4 years ago and we've always had trouble with many things,it is really difficult friendship for me because ...

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Old 04-27-15, 03:46 PM   #1
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Thumbs down Guys before friendship

We met 4 years ago and we've always had trouble with many things,it is really difficult friendship for me because I get really attached to true friends so I get hurt a lot. The thing is, from the start I was left alone on a festivals in another country,foreign cities,gigs if she meets a guy and I don't want to go/leave with them.It happened around 5,6 times that she literally abandoned me to go and f. ..with somebody she just met. I don't have a problem with what she does, she has my support for anything, I was always like if you want to go then go, you do what you want to do it is your choice.
But I was hurt time to time, because when you say that to a friend and her choice is over and over again the same,(to leave you and go with stranger) it is hurtful. After some time, I told her it is not right to do that to me, she can take a number or whatever and meet him later. Year ago she did it again and after it said she will never leave me like that and that we are older now,it's not worth to ruin our friendship for some dickheads, and it's just stupid thing to do to a friend.

It's been 4 months since we saw each other, I couldn't wait for her to come and just enjoy day/night with my friend. I arranged great day, and in the night we went out..
And then she did it again..
Couple of guys came to us and we said not interested, it was our time to hang around and enjoy our friendship. And then she disappeared, looked for her, she was with some guy..I was like, come back to dance and enjoy the night but nothing,,then she came to me said, let's go to his place to talk and chill,like, for real just that. I wanted to stay and not waste time on traveling to his place or to be that third person who holds candle for them,so I said no..She was like, ok I'll go. I said, ok if you want that then go just text me that you are ok..

What was I supposed to say, don't go stay here and be my fucking friend for once, instead of leaving me alone again in the club and plus with some morons to deal with ..
I stayed for another 2 hours there,dancing,had to deal with some idiot, because I had no transport home,until the morning so I was stuck there.

Got message from her later, how she fucked up, she is sorry,will make it up for me bla bla. ..thought I was mad.. I said nothing, just asked if she is alright and where she is, but inside, I was hurt again and I realized she stopped being my best friend around year and half ago and now she just proved it again. I couldn't start a fight,that night or over texts, because I don't have any more strength to argue with her after all this years and due my own problems I am dealing with..

it's just, I don't even know..
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Old 04-28-15, 12:50 AM   #2
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I know she's your friend, but she doesn't seem to value your friendship as much as you do. I've been there with a very good friend. We did stop talking for some months, but we made up. Now our friendship is different, but better. While we weren't talking, I learned how to support myself more and developed a wee bit more interests.

I've noticed with a lot of girl friendships, it goes this way. I value friendships more than relationships. However, I feel I'm atypical, in that way, so I don't assume my friends will understand where I'm coming from.

I know you're probably upset and hurt. Everyone wants to feel equally regarded by their friends. Maybe a temporary separation will help? There are some choices that we make that hurt like hell, but in order to grow us as people, it's reasonable to do them. If you choose not to, just try to understand the limitations of your friendship with your friend. That for me ended up being painful, so I chose the former.

We are still friends, though.
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Old 04-28-15, 02:48 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20Something View Post
I value friendships more than relationships. However, I feel I'm atypical, in that way, so I don't assume my friends will understand where I'm coming from.
Same here. And when I had to choose I chose friendship. I am very rational and I like to look at things objectively, even when it comes to this things. But real,true friend is the most important thing for me. It has always been. The thing is, I guess I let it go too much, like I am not somebody who will always complain when something is wrong, cause I can go through a lot when it comes to friends and in those situations I can truly see who is my friend and who's not. And she is always complaining even for little things, which makes us completely different and kinda all the shit falls down on me.

When it comes to separation,we don't even see each other so often, as I wrote it's been 4 months. We don't live in the same city. It's always me coming to her city and stuff. This time, she came to mine after more than 6 months. So only thing left is to stop texting, but I know that will prolong the problem even more.

What hurts the most is that, those guys are always strangers and she never see them again, they don't matter, but still she is more willing to choose to spend our time with them than with me. If it was a guy that she is in love and other stuff, I would have more considerations, but for this -nobodies- it's just worse zillion times.

Starting to think friendship really sucks, after all the years of no true ones
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Old 05-01-15, 08:39 AM   #4
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I get you

I personally don't feel there is anything wrong with seeing things the way they are. If your friend is ditching you when you see her or you feel her issues, complaints take priority over yours, there's nothing wrong with recognizing it. And yeah, it's going to hurt. I have been there. You're aware, and it can hurt to be aware. That's a tough situation that you're in. Friendship isn't pointless. It just takes a long time to find a really good friend. Good friends are hard to come by. You probably have friend in this person, but you don't have a good, reliable friend who is regularly there for you. That's the problem.
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Old 05-04-15, 08:32 AM   #5
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I feel like it takes whole life to make just 1 real friend. And in the end even that one gets lost somehow.. I always had only few people in my life, I am kind of a person who wants only real ones in my life, I don't need fake ones. It is sad, how people generally don't have much respect and awareness that people who are there, could be gone in any moment. Just to appreciate people around you and be there. I guess it is hard for the most people to just be there for a person they/you love.
I distanced myself a little bit from her these days. I really don't have any energy to even send sms to her, cause it's just pointless to talk about stuff other part just don't quite get it(since she is the kind of a person,who thinks that is always right).
She is literally my only friend,apart from 1another person. I don't maintain contact with,for me, unimportant people so it's even harder when you got nobody else.. it is what it is, I will try my best to stay friends with her, cause I do love her and appreciate her for everything she's done and we went through. Just need to get through this period of, ''not liking'' her.
Thank you for your kind words, and I am sorry for your friendship as well, but it is good you're still friends with that person.
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Old 05-06-15, 04:54 AM   #6
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You're welcome. I don't think I provided the answers you hoped for, but I hope you will soon gain clarity for the situation in the future.
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Old 05-09-15, 03:28 PM   #7
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Well, you know sometimes we don't even need anyone to answer our questions or thoughts, or give any advice.
Sometimes we just need someone who will try to understand us or our story, or share their similar story and just sympathize with us.
Which you did. Thank you for that
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