At my age of 51 and 3/4 (ha ha), I've observed that friends seem to come and go for the most part. Two years ago, I was amazed I had so many friends in my life. I was busy and engaged and felt fulfilled socially.
Yet now, most of those people have dropped out of my life. They are either busy with their own problems, or the connection has just dried up and died. And it feels very lonely these days.
I have to admit, the past 6 months I've been keeping more to myself. I always reply to their phone calls/emails, but I don't initiate much interaction. Been dragged down with health problems. And now that I'm coming up out of the fox hole I was hunkered down in, I look around and think, "Where did everybody go???"
It leaves me questioning what defines friends now. I'm not an asshole - I don't think. I needed some quiet time to focus and heal and regroup. And now everyone seems to have carried on without me. Ouch!
And here's the worst - one work "friend" thought I was "misrepresenting" her feedback about a presentation my colleague and I did, which I shared with my colleague. He jumped in and emailed her, asking her about it. Then she got super pissed at me and left me the coldest voice message saying I "misrepresented" her words (some kind of clinical employee code of ethics language). I've never
heard her talk to me like that before. It just froze me when I listened to her message. And I think it was totally blown out of proportion! I shared her feedback with my colleague because I value and respect her viewpoint and I thought it would help strengthen our presentation. But it seems she felt I had violated some kind of confidential communication! I emailed an apology to her but she has not responded. At all. And every day I stew about it.
So now I'm thinking, how does a 52 year old woman make friends? Most people are friends with people they've known a long time. that really trims down the friend pool. And me being sensitive, I feel painfully rejected when my attempts to initiate a friendship with someone new are ignored or dismissed.
Maybe I will just turn into a crazy bush woman, get a hundred dogs and cats, and give up even bothering with humans. Just feeling really discouraged.
thanks for listening.