Can't make friends
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Can't make friends

This is a discussion on Can't make friends within the Friendships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I'm in college and sometimes I feel like I have no friends. Some days when I don't have class I''ll ...

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Old 01-25-17, 06:13 PM   #1
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Default Can't make friends

I'm in college and sometimes I feel like I have no friends. Some days when I don't have class I''ll just sit in my room on the computer. I eat a lot of meals by myself. I do have friends. I am on a sports team and friends with a lot of people on the team, I am just not close with any of them really. I don't have a really close group of friends or a best friend. I never really have and I don't understand why. Does anyone else feel like this?

I don't get how to get close to someone. I feel like everybody has close friends already and it's hard to get close to anyone new. How do you even make a best friend? Or get in a squad? In general there are some people that I meet that I wouldn't want to be friends with, but even people I really hit it off with seem to already have close friends and I'm afraid to try and make plans with them too often because I feel like I am bothering them. It didn't bother me as much in high school because I would see my friends all day at school, but now I don't have classes with a lot of my friends and I'm afraid that they're too busy to make plans with me. Especially in the off season when I have more free time and don't see my team everyday. Sometimes I just feel so low and depressed, which makes it harder to leave my room. It just feels like I'm spiraling.
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Old 01-26-17, 10:56 AM   #2
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I've never really figured this out. I didn't have a great social life in High School but as soon as I graduated I was completely isolated.

Best advice I can give is to be as active as possible. Try new hobbies or get involved in more extracurriculars. Make yourself participate as much as possible, even if sometimes you're taking a bit of a leap. You'll start seeing some of the same people over and over and eventually they'll start seeing you as a friend rather than someone they just see all the time.
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Old 01-26-17, 06:05 PM   #3
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I think the term "friends" is misused in our society. But I can't figure this out either. I've always just had acquaintances. Any time I try to make plans with them, they flake out on me. I can't seem to get close to anyone. Literally everyone else I meet already has a group of friends they hang out with often.

I know in my case, part of the problem is that I didn't stay in contact with anyone from high school and I'm not on social media at all. Apparently those are the major ways people build relationships these days. I don't know, I've never had the time for that crap. Do you think any of that applies to you? Do you use social media a lot?

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I've never really figured this out. I didn't have a great social life in High School but as soon as I graduated I was completely isolated.
same here.
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Old 01-26-17, 11:16 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by jess876 View Post
I'm in college and sometimes I feel like I have no friends. Some days when I don't have class I''ll just sit in my room on the computer. I eat a lot of meals by myself. I do have friends. I am on a sports team and friends with a lot of people on the team, I am just not close with any of them really. I don't have a really close group of friends or a best friend. I never really have and I don't understand why. Does anyone else feel like this?

I don't get how to get close to someone. I feel like everybody has close friends already and it's hard to get close to anyone new. How do you even make a best friend? Or get in a squad? In general there are some people that I meet that I wouldn't want to be friends with, but even people I really hit it off with seem to already have close friends and I'm afraid to try and make plans with them too often because I feel like I am bothering them. It didn't bother me as much in high school because I would see my friends all day at school, but now I don't have classes with a lot of my friends and I'm afraid that they're too busy to make plans with me. Especially in the off season when I have more free time and don't see my team everyday. Sometimes I just feel so low and depressed, which makes it harder to leave my room. It just feels like I'm spiraling.
I feel the same way about my social life. I'm in college too. I'm 20. It really sucks when you feel like you have no friends. I only have a few friends but I don't always see them or communicate with them as much as I could. It makes me feel lonely a lot. I hate feeling lonely. I really want to make some friends but I keep having this inner voice telling me how I'll never make friends. It has nothing to do with schizophrenia or any other disorder where you hear voices but I just hate the feeling. I'm sick and tired of always feeling lonely.

I guess the internet is my place to fall back on. I use the internet to help me feel better about my personal problems. I feel like the people on the internet have more compassion than people in real life. I like to write about my problems on the internet because I can find people that I can relate to.

I didn't have a great social life in high school. I had a good social life back in spring of 2015 but it kinda ended. So I'm just trying to pick up the pieces.

I don't know how to help. But I think putting my experience down can help.

I think you should try to join a club or activity at your college in so you can have a good chance of making friends.
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Old 01-27-17, 06:41 PM   #5
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[QUOTE=Black Sheep;2586274]I think the term "friends" is misused in our society. But I can't figure this out either. I've always just had acquaintances. Any time I try to make plans with them, they flake out on me. I can't seem to get close to anyone. Literally everyone else I meet already has a group of friends they hang out with often.

I know in my case, part of the problem is that I didn't stay in contact with anyone from high school and I'm not on social media at all. Apparently those are the major ways people build relationships these days. I don't know, I've never had the time for that crap. Do you think any of that applies to you? Do you use social media a lot?

I am on social media, but I am not really sure that helps me make friends. It sometimes makes me feel worse because I see everyone with their friend groups and it looks like everyone is having a good time and I feel left out. Trying to make and keep friends seems overwhelming sometimes. I only talk to one or two people from high school because I wasn't really happy with who I was then and changed so much and don't really want to remember it.
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Old 01-27-17, 06:45 PM   #6
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I feel the same way about my social life. I'm in college too. I'm 20. It really sucks when you feel like you have no friends. I only have a few friends but I don't always see them or communicate with them as much as I could. It makes me feel lonely a lot. I hate feeling lonely. I really want to make some friends but I keep having this inner voice telling me how I'll never make friends. It has nothing to do with schizophrenia or any other disorder where you hear voices but I just hate the feeling. I'm sick and tired of always feeling lonely.

I guess the internet is my place to fall back on. I use the internet to help me feel better about my personal problems. I feel like the people on the internet have more compassion than people in real life. I like to write about my problems on the internet because I can find people that I can relate to.

I didn't have a great social life in high school. I had a good social life back in spring of 2015 but it kinda ended. So I'm just trying to pick up the pieces.

I don't know how to help. But I think putting my experience down can help.

I think you should try to join a club or activity at your college in so you can have a good chance of making friends.
Thanks for sharing. I just go through these periods of lows and highs. I feel good when I go to a party or hang out with some of my friends, but I feel like there's no one I can just hit up to chill with when I'm bored or have a lazy night in with. I have a good amount of friends, just no one really close because I feel like all of my friends have best friends, people who they hang out all the time with.
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Old 01-28-17, 02:48 AM   #7
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Thanks for sharing. I just go through these periods of lows and highs. I feel good when I go to a party or hang out with some of my friends, but I feel like there's no one I can just hit up to chill with when I'm bored or have a lazy night in with. I have a good amount of friends, just no one really close because I feel like all of my friends have best friends, people who they hang out all the time with.
it's not that bad. A lot of people don't have a "best friend." Honestly I would kill to have people I could just party with.
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Old 01-29-17, 12:51 PM   #8
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Why not join a fraternity? Isn't the main point brotherhood?
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Old 01-30-17, 10:45 AM   #9
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I know in my case, part of the problem is that I didn't stay in contact with anyone from high school and I'm not on social media at all. Apparently those are the major ways people build relationships these days. I don't know, I've never had the time for that crap. Do you think any of that applies to you? Do you use social media a lot?
This doesn't have to be the case. I've met people through Meetup and dating websites, so in that way, yes I've met people online, but it can also be trying new things. My best means of making new friends was when I started taking drum lessons. I was nervous about it but thought "just sign up and see what happens." When I had my first lesson scheduled I though "just go to this ONE lesson and see what happens." Eventually I became comfortable enough to go regularly and started making friends with the other people there.

Is there anything you've been interested in trying but haven't yet? Hell, is there anything you'd be WILLING to try even if you're not sure if you'd enjoy it?

Also, one important thing to remember: you high school social life means nothing now. Doesn't matter if you didn't have many friends. This is a fresh start. Popular people in high school might not have many friends now. I've had my dry spells but the times I've had friends were WAYYY better than high school

Last edited by ThatUncertainFeeling; 01-30-17 at 10:50 AM.
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Old 01-31-17, 03:41 PM   #10
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This doesn't have to be the case. I've met people through Meetup and dating websites, so in that way, yes I've met people online, but it can also be trying new things. My best means of making new friends was when I started taking drum lessons. I was nervous about it but thought "just sign up and see what happens." When I had my first lesson scheduled I though "just go to this ONE lesson and see what happens." Eventually I became comfortable enough to go regularly and started making friends with the other people there.

Is there anything you've been interested in trying but haven't yet? Hell, is there anything you'd be WILLING to try even if you're not sure if you'd enjoy it?

Also, one important thing to remember: you high school social life means nothing now. Doesn't matter if you didn't have many friends. This is a fresh start. Popular people in high school might not have many friends now. I've had my dry spells but the times I've had friends were WAYYY better than high school
are you asking me or the OP?
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