(Sexual content.) Please help me?
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(Sexual content.) Please help me?

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Old 11-12-09, 01:33 PM   #1
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I've been listening to this song for the last hour, and crying just as long. There's a line in the song that goes:

Hey there little homecoming queen in that back seat
I'll bet his brown eyes are promising you everything!
And I know you want to be just like your friends
But he'll still love you if you don't give in

But if those girls were being honest that have been where you're at
I'd bet they'd tell you they wish they had their innocence back


It is unbelievable how much I regret having sex, and I didn't think I would. I didn't understand how much my virginity meant to me until I didn't have it anymore. I don't want to beat myself up over this, but... I know there isn't a magic spell to getting your virginity back (I understand that once it's gone, it's gone) but is there anything I can do to not want to kill myself from all this regret?

Am I allowed to tell my boyfriend that I don't want to have sex anymore? At least not now. I feel like I can't do that for some reason. It's like, because we've already done it, I have to keep doing it now. Am I allowed to tell him I don't want to keep doing it until I know I'm absolutely ready to do it again? It won't change that I'm not a virgin, but maybe it'll help me heal from the regret to the point that I can deal with it.

I don't know.

Please help me.
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Old 11-12-09, 03:49 PM   #2
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(((((sweet d)))))
i think it's something u should talk with ian about.
you can't change the past, but it's OK. we all have things we regret. i don't think this is something that has to intrude on your future.
just forgive yourself, and live the way you feel is right.
((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))
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Old 11-12-09, 03:56 PM   #3
 
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Im so sorry for you and of course you can tell him that you just dont feel you were ready and are feeling a bit shameful. He really should understand and hopefully he is able to talk to you about and make you feel better. He is probably the best one to help you through this. If not we are here for you. I know its hard to do something and realize there is no way to get it back. I think most of us girls first time was not a fairy tale. I know i really regret my first time. Who, where, when. It was all so terrible and i cried the second he was done. If your boyfriend is a good guy then he will help you feel better.
((((hugs))))
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Old 11-12-09, 03:58 PM   #4
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(((hugs)))
Thank you, Blue Girl. Your reply means a lot to me. And you're right about forgiving myself; I am just struggling with that at the moment. :( I know I'm not the only one who has been in this position before, but at the same time... I don't know. I will talk to him about it, though.

Thanks again.
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Old 11-12-09, 04:04 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mouse View Post
Im so sorry for you and of course you can tell him that you just dont feel you were ready and are feeling a bit shameful. He really should understand and hopefully he is able to talk to you about and make you feel better. He is probably the best one to help you through this. If not we are here for you. I know its hard to do something and realize there is no way to get it back. I think most of us girls first time was not a fairy tale. I know i really regret my first time. Who, where, when. It was all so terrible and i cried the second he was done. If your boyfriend is a good guy then he will help you feel better.
((((hugs))))
(haha. You replied the same time I did.)

I'm sure he will help me through it. I just have to think of a way to make him understand that this is NOT HIS FAULT; he had nothing to do with it. I know he will do that, so I need to avoid it. He'll start to blame himself for my feelings, and that is not the case at all. I also need to think of a way to tell him so that he also believe it's not because I don't love. I do love him, tremendously. I just think this is something we should pause doing until we understand each other a little bit more, that's all. The thing is, I do not regret having sex with him. I absolutely do not regret having this emotional connection with him. It's the "when" that I regret. Three months was way too soon, and I knew that. But I did it anyway. Neither of us were ready. I just think we should hold off doing it again until we've... connected more, if you will.

Does any of that make sense at all?
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Old 11-12-09, 04:14 PM   #6
 
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That makes perfect sense and i think maybe you should let him read what you just wrote. Or maybe write that out and tell him. Thats the perfect thing to say to him. All of it!

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Old 11-12-09, 04:21 PM   #7
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Thanks, SM. That's what I will say to him then. I'll just reword it a little bit so it actually makes sense. XD
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Old 11-12-09, 04:36 PM   #8
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Shit.

He's going to think I'm cheating on him. I'm in college, he's back at home. I remember back when I first moved, we were talking and he seemed upset. He said he was worried I was going to cheat. I finally got him to understand that I'm not going to. But if I bring this up... fuck life; he's going to think I'm cheating.
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Old 11-12-09, 04:37 PM   #9
 
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Good for you!! Please let me know how it goes. Ill keep my fingers crossed for you!
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Old 11-12-09, 04:41 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Sweet Denial View Post
Shit.

He's going to think I'm cheating on him. I'm in college, he's back at home. I remember back when I first moved, we were talking and he seemed upset. He said he was worried I was going to cheat. I finally got him to understand that I'm not going to. But if I bring this up... fuck life; he's going to think I'm cheating.
No he wont !!! how on earth can he think you will be cheating on him when you tell him that? I dont get it?
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