So i met this female at work (i'm a lifeguard) we really hit it off well, so i decided to get her phone number to keep in contact. Later that night i texted her straight away excited for the possibilities that me n her could share. The texting begun it was great we would text from the moment we woke up till we went to sleep and everything in between neither of us getting fed up with each other, not a care in the world. We really connected it was amazing. It had hit December and i had a work function and was allowed to bring a plus one so naturally i thought it would be great to get her out in a social environment face to face, i texted her and asked if she would like to come, she had said yes! i was amazed and excited. So it was now the 17th of December 2015 the day of my work dinner i went and picked her up from her house, her dad had met me at the door questioning if i would be drinking and driving tonight, i said " no i wont be drinking at all tonight due to me driving" he said " that's sounds perfect" i asked " what time would you like her home by? " he said "11pm" i said " no worries" so we got in the car and drove the party where everyone was. We sat down the end away from everyone just me n her an i couldn't help but just look at her think how do i ever get this far with her she's amazing way out of league but i thought just roll with it so i did. The night went on, Hannah had tapped me on the leg and said " do you want to go for a walk" i said " yeah that would be great" so we got up and left everyone at the restaurant and went sat in the park we could still hear everyone in the restaurant screaming, laughing and carrying on. We just sat and chatted, things started getting really deep talking about family and past i opened up feeling comfortable with her unlike i never feel with no other, she also told me stuff about her that no one knew which i vowed to never repeat and haven't. I checked the time it was 10;30pm she lived 15 minutes out of town, so i thought it would be best to start to take her home early to make a good impression to her family that i'm not an idiot and i will look after their daughter.
2 months had past by still talking and everything going well, we had met up for lunch dates, i'd go and see her in her lunch breaks at work it was great. Now to what brings me here we started arguing not just little arguments, big ones because we both had fallen for each other so quick and were scared we moved on i have major trust issues due from past of being lied to by my mother. Another argument later she finally revealed that she "liked me and sees a possible future" but something inside of me didn't believe her but i never said anything i text back saying " i like you too" which i did i liked her a lot. We moved on it was now January first 2016 i was over the moon a new year and i have an amazing girl in my life. The phone rang my grandmother answered it was my mum, i had not spoken to her in over 6 years because of my past with her but me thinking it's a new year why not give her a chance to redeem herself from her past so i got on the phone to her, instantly she starts abusing me blaming me for everything had gone wrong in her life i was so angry i hung up the phone in rage. Hannah had text me, i was blunt and wasn't my usual self and instantly she clicked asking what's wrong me being me pushing her away, she got fed up we argued again, hurtful stuff was said from both parties. few hours had past i texted Hannah to apologize for my behavior she had replied " i don't think i can do this anymore" my heart stunk, i felt empty i felt let down i didn't know what to do at all, i explained to her what had happen to put me in a bad mood she was sorry but still couldn't take it anymore i was so broken and angry at myself for it. I said " i can't just be friends with you" she didn't like that she wanted me in her life still but i couldn't do it i had to strong of feelings for her. I decided to stop talking to her completely blocking her number and on Facebook deleting her from my life.
A week had gone by without talking to her, everyday i just would think about her what she's doing it was tearing me up, i had a costume party on so i unblocked and asked if the shop she worked in had any costumes that i would be interested in, it relight our talking. Then January 30th i was at a friends having 'pre drinks' before the party texting Hannah everything was going smooth. Then we discover some of the worst news ever... Her best friend had been in a car accident, me offering to drive her to the hospital to see her friend she declined and said her brother would so i backed off and said no worries, then we find out her friend had been rushed to one of the major hospitals in the city (400 kilometers away) i offer to take her and she took me up on the offer, at 8;30 at night we set out on the 3 hour drive to the city remembering this has been the first time ive had seen her in awhile, we arrive at the hospital at 12;30am we arrive at the hospital she sees her friend in a coma hooked up to machines and breaks down i wrapped my arms around her and comfort her, then her dad arrived at the hospital to pick her up and take her to her sisters house, she gives me a massive hug and thanks me. Later that night i text her saying " i hope your friends alright" she replies " me to, thanks<3" it's the first time in months we had sent anything like that i reply with " Hannah, i care about you and would do anything for you " she replies " that means alot <3"
Now fast forward two weeks we are still talking sending "x's" on the end of every message her still grieving about her friends condition me not knowing what to do or say to help so all i can think to do is to let her know i'm there for her at anyway and to give her some space. What i really want at the end of all of this is her to give me a second chance to show her i don't want to argue that i want to be with her by her side everyday, every challenge. I'm not sure if she wants to give me one though, i haven't asked because i don't feel like it's the time or fair to put her in that position due to what's going on with her friend. if anyone could give me some tips or maybe an idea if she would after all of that give me a second chance it would be much appreciated i just feel so insecure i keep thinking she has found someone better or is hooking up with other guys and i get extremely jealous and angry but i've learnt to keep it to myself and not let it affect her. All i want is for her to give me a second chance ... one more shot can someone please tell me if i deserve it and if someone had done this to you would you give them one. Thanks sorry for incorrect spelling or punctuation.