My mom is going to have me going to a doctor soon to get checked for Poland's syndrome or any similar disorder. Poland's syndrome is when the pectoral muscle on one side is under developed or completely nonexistent. It can also include webbed fingers, though I don't have those. One of my breasts is very, very, very disproportionate to the other. I mean like 2+ cup sizes. It's really horrifying and embarrassing and no one can tell when I have a bra on but it's just... I will always know it's there. My breasts haven't grown any noticeable amount in a very, very long time and I started puberty very early (I got a bra at around 7) and now it's getting scary because I turn 16 in a little over a month and this hasn't evened out even slightly, if anything it has grown ever more apparent. I never look at myself naked and if I could, I would shower in the dark, but I just settle for not looking down. The only thing they could do for this is give me breast implants. One of my breasts is a B and the other is probably only an AA... I am repulsed by my own appearance from head to toe and all I can ask is what did I do to deserve this?
I'm unhealthy, I have horrible genes, and apparently also probably have a major birth deformity... I know this is a selfish way to feel but I can't help it, I'm only 15, right? I am against plastic surgery for people under 18 but it's not like I'm just pissed that my breasts are small... this is a full on deformity. This is like webbed fingers or an extra toe or something... this isn't plastic. This is a life ruiner. I am somewhat body dysmorphic so when I (humiliating as it was, no one has seen me shirtless since I was at most 6 years old) had my mom check for me and her tell me that yes, this definitely appeared to be a serious difference... my hopes were crushed. I wanted this to just be something I was self conscious about that no one else could see, but I look in the mirror and this is full on concrete, no beating around the bush.
It's such a big difference my mom is worried about it and wants me to see a doctor and says she will let me have a boob job if it is what I want, and I have to say that of course it is what I want. It is one thing to have a small difference in breast size, MOST women have that... but most women don't have a difference from breast to breast that could put them in a freak show or looks like something out of a horror movie. I am not being dramatic here. God, I'm scared. I don't want to die alone but no one would have someone that looks like this... it's repulsive. I feel less than human.