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please help me.

This is a discussion on please help me. within the Female Issues forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; i am 54. i am either pre- or peri-menopausal. i hadn't had a period in 4 months, then had one ...

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Old 02-16-13, 06:45 PM   #1
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i am 54. i am either pre- or peri-menopausal. i hadn't had a period in 4 months, then had one a month ago. my partner of 3 years just broke up with me for a younger woman. here's the thing...one day i'm fine with it and happy he moved on with someone his own age; the next minute i am bawling inconsolably. then i am afraid of not being his friend and not having him in my life in some aspect. then i don't want to see him because it is just a painful reminder that i am alone again and i'm crying again. then i'm fine and happy for them. then i burst into tears. OMG FUCKING KILL ME. i haven't eaten a full meal in a month, my stomach is constantly on fire, my mind won't stop analyzing my life and my pain and my failure and my stupidity. i can't maintain one straight thought in my head without it turning into a panic attack for whatever reason. is this part of menopause??? i have dealt with breakups before, but this is fucking killing me, and i don't even know if it is the breakup or just the total fear of being alone and growing old alone and dying alone. then when i can't handle it anymore, exhausted, i fall asleep. i have posted other threads on here on the relationship and depression forums and have gotten wonderful support, but i honestly think i'm having a breakdown of some sort. i have left work early because i can't control my crying. i can't get out of bed some days until absolutely necessary to go to work. i take zoloft already, and i would think that should help me. do i need something else? is anyone else out there menopausal and doing HRT? is it beneficial?? i feel i am going to fucking explode or stroke out or die if i don't find some answers and some way to get my shit under control. please HELP ME! i am not a drama queen, really i'm not. i am pretty mellow and handle my life and my job successfully, but the last month of my life has been the most agonizing and confusing and emotional month of my life. i think i'll sleep now. please help me.
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Old 02-17-13, 02:07 PM   #2
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Abalone, I'm so sorry! What you're going through sounds incredibly hard to deal with. I've read a couple of your other threads too, and it doesn't seem like you've had enough distance from your ex and his new girlfriend to mourn the loss of your relationship, and move on. You get reminders at work when you see his new girlfriend, and again when you talk to your ex. That's gotta be really tough. Losing a long term relationship is extremely difficult, and you haven't had the space to let the wounds heal, they keep getting reopened. Sorry for going off-topic a bit, I know that this isn't what you're asking about in this thread, but I just wanted to say, I really do feel for you.

You know your body and yourself better than anyone else, and if you think that what you're experiencing has more to do with menopause than just the usual post-breakup stuff, you're probably right. You really need to go to the doctor if you haven't been there yet. I'm sure that I don't need to tell you this, but what you're going through is pretty serious. You haven't been eating properly, you sound miserable (at the moment anyways, although I understand that your mood keeps going up, and then waaaay down), and your work and personal life are being disrupted. I really hope you'll get in to see a doctor as soon as possible.

What do you enjoy doing? Are you still making time for those things these days? Have you tried meditation/relaxation exercises?
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Old 02-17-13, 05:53 PM   #3
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thank you for reading my post UN. i know..when i think of my posts and how i am up and down then level then waaay down, it is exhausting. i'm just trying to be grown up and accept the breakup and be mature about it and not be mad about or hurt by it, but then the feelings of extreme loneliness take over and i break.

on the menopause issue, i really think it is contributing hugely to my emotions. i've done some reading, and it sounds like the extreme emotions are a big part of it, and the breakup was a very untimely contributor as well. i am going to call my Gyn tomorrow to get some more info on hormone replacement therapy. in the meantime, i am increasing my zoloft by 50 mg for a few days. i've been "authorized" by my doc to do that but not for any lengthy period.

regarding the ex, i emailed him friday and told him i was cutting ties for a while until i got healthy. whether that works out or not remains to be seen, but at this point i've got no choice.

to take care of myself, i began the p90x program, 2 weeks ago, but just really began to do it with a focus on myself and NOT just going through the motions. today during the kenpo segment, i imagined punching and kicking my ex and his new gf. not to be mean, but they weren't there, and forcing that anger out was an amazing release. i also have a getting over relationship mp3 i purchased. it's a little hard to identify with because it wants me to envision this relationship in the future where it is actually the past like other past painful experiences that i have had that no longer get an emotional rise out of me. i'm sticking with it, until it works or doesn't and then i'll find something else.

in the matter of 2 days i have yet again gone from one emotional extreme to the other. i am rational and calm about this now. god help me tomorrow.

i really think it helps us all when someone just plain responds to our threads or posts. that's why this site is here, to get some help. if people read and pass on by without at least offering a huggy smiley or something, it really intensifies the anxiety one feels. so, again, i thank you U.N. for giving me that comfort.
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Old 02-17-13, 06:44 PM   #4
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I know how the up and waaay down thing goes all too well, you just have to make the most of the good days, and try to make it through the bad ones. I'm glad that you're having a good day today though!

I hope things go well for you at the doctor, and you made a wise choice by cutting all ties with your ex for a while. You really have to do what's right for you, and it does sound like that would give you the space you need in order to work through what you're feeling.

I hadn't heard of the p90x program before, that sounds pretty hardcore! I know what you mean with visualizing when you're shadowboxing - it's a great way to get out anger, and you get a better workout that way too.

It always amazes me how small gestures can have a big impact. I'm happy to hear that my post gave you some comfort, and your reply brightened my day too.
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