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The cringe factor

This is a discussion on The cringe factor within the Female Issues forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; As usual, I agree 100% with what Laneblade said - it's very good advice! Here's my take on your situation. ...

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Old 12-31-10, 02:53 PM   #11
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As usual, I agree 100% with what Laneblade said - it's very good advice!

Here's my take on your situation. There's nothing wrong with one night stands, if it's what both people want, but it doesn't sound like they're right for you at this point in your life. It sounds like you'd benefit more from sex in a long term relationship with a partner who you've grown to trust, and who you can better communicate your needs to. I think you would be happier if you tried to avoid one night stands, at least until you've had a few more positive sexual experiences with committed partners.
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Old 12-31-10, 05:00 PM   #12
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Hello Mooky & Uncomfortably Numb

Its true I'm Roman Catholic but have never confessed once, I love God with all my heart but am sceptical about the whole priests thing. My mum has this priest that visits all the time because she is took sick to go to church so he gives her communion at home. He appears nice but he turns my stomach, I always get a yucky vibe from him and have told mum often that I don't like him. He says all the right things but he makes my stomach turn. I know there is other priests in the world but I'm not a big believer in human beings and often go and spend time in the church but only when it's vacant. I love God but that's about it, I'm not sure about the rest of the human made rules that they use his name to reinforce. Anyway I hate talking religion:)

I totally agree that there is nothing wrong with one night stands, if you feel it's right for you and you go into eyes wide open....not oblivious with alcohol. I guess as corny as it sounds I do want to be loved, not really thrown down and bonked. When I was a little girl about 9 years old I was already praying to God that I would have one true love, just one because I didn't want to have one guy than another, than another. I guess it sounds weird for a kid to think like that but it might of been that when I was younger I already saw my sister cry endless times over numerous guys. I knew I never wanted that...instead I've grown up to never be loved and have unsafe one night stands...so yeah life has really worked out.

I do love guys, am extremely attracted to them..the way their aftershave smells (especially if it's a really nice one), their deep voice, I like their sense of humour....basically I guess the differences. I have 5 brothers and have always had a soft spot for guys since I was little I loved my brothers so much, not really now so much but everyone grows up. Once upon a time I felt more comfortable around men than I ever could with women since most of my childhood was spent around males.

I am too shy to throw my hat in the ring, to let a guy know me. I am extremely unconfident and socially anxious and couldn't imagine having a boyfriend even though its what I really want. I just want a really sweet guy, someone who cares for me, could be my friend in and out of bed. My friend is so confident, me my heart beats so fast, I feel a wave of weakness like I'm going to pass out just being around a guy I like. I'm 35 turning 36 pretty pathetic hey? I know time is wasting, everyone in my family is married now with kids and it does break my heart.
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Old 12-31-10, 05:39 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3daystodecide View Post
I am too shy to throw my hat in the ring, to let a guy know me. I am extremely unconfident and socially anxious and couldn't imagine having a boyfriend even though its what I really want. I just want a really sweet guy, someone who cares for me, could be my friend in and out of bed.
I understand completely. Reverse the genders in what you just said, and I feel the same way. I'm trying to work on each of my problems one at a time, with the goal of eventually liking myself enough to be able to have a meaningful relationship with a woman. I've heard that this is a good approach, but it's taking a very long time, and I'm not sure if I'm really getting anywhere with it. Basically what I'm saying is, I know what you're going through, and I wish I could help you, but I don't know what the solution is.
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Old 12-31-10, 07:22 PM   #14
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Yeah it's tough, I have so much I have to work on and it is more manageable if it's broken down into smaller goals. I am so behind, my life is a complete mess yet i know I have to still move slowly and building confidence and eliminating anxiety in my life is a daily battle. I might be 60 by the time I'm ready for a relationship....way past the age to have children.

My anxiety is hitting me really hard and I'm starting to feel so scared...I want to be reassured that everything will be okay, that I won't be HIV positive, have STD's or be pregnant. I want to be reassured like a little girl and I know I'm not one. I'm so scared.
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